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One evening, a sinister phone call proved me right about the way I run my relationships.
I was doing a year of social service in a hospital. A girl did an internship with us: she stayed for a couple of weeks and we got along pretty well.
When she left, I asked her for her phone number. We had some common interests and I thought it would be nice to stay in touch. I actually called her a couple of days later, too, to shoot the breeze.
While this was going on, I had no idea another phone call was happening behind my back.
It was placed to my girlfriend.
“You’re dating Matt, right?” a female voice asked.
“Yeah,” my girlfriend said.
“You may want to know that your boyfriend is flirting up another girl,” the voice said and hung up.
When I went to hang out with my girlfriend that night, I found her furious.
But not for the reasons you’d expect.
Giving yourself the gift of travel allows you to experience new environments, new cultures... and supercharges your social skills! Here's how to meet people while traveling!
I must admit, it felt a bit strange. There I was, in my good old Frankfurt – right where I grew up, but this time, I was a traveler in my homeland.
Expatriate Matt went back home for two weeks this summer to celebrate my brother’s and my best friend’s weddings. The trip was everything you’d expect your best vacation to be:
Gorgeous unseen locations.
A whole new mindset.
Oh yes, you best believe that last one. You see, we went to a place far out in the countryside – a small village amid nature, by a big lake. And I found myself thrown into a crowd with more than 100 strangers.
If you’ve ever taken a trip that was anything less than your token 100% pre-planned beach vacation, you’ll know that it can overthrow all the routine and structure you think you know. It’s a fresh, cool dive into untouched waters.
Are you using this to your advantage? Let’s look at ways you can spark love on your vacation.
Confident Woman Is Attractive
You want to learn how to be attractive to women – but how is a woman going to be attracted to you before you even know who you are yourself? Your first major step is to get your “inner game” sorted out: your confidence, steadiness, backbone and self-reliance need to be in place.
We’ve brought up this issue before, but it is so important that it deserves an article of its own: know yourself and become attractive. Do you know your core values, interests, what drives you emotionally, what defines you as a unique character? There are several areas in your life you can explore, and in a clichéd psychiatrist manner, my first piece of advice is: explore your past.
Find your reality by looking in your past
Obviously, you underwent your deepest and most fundamental transformations during your childhood and puberty, which plunged you into emotional turmoil and distress. We all remember those school days when we suffered through first love, tried all the outrageous things, when we often felt alone and misunderstood, and our friends meant the world. Once you grow beyond your teens, chances are you’ll settle into a more stable, uneventful life that flows evenly in its routines. This is when you should revisit your turbulent years and get back in touch with what made you tick, what drove your passion, which obstacles you overcame and which realizations you had.
With all the chatter of theories out there, it’s sometimes hard to keep a clear idea about what women would like from men. But then again, it’s not rocket science. Allow me to remind you of some things you already know: yes, women want men to make them laugh, feel special, appreciated and all warm and fuzzy inside. They want confidence, strength, and a great, winning smile. But most of all, women want men.
No seriously, if I were to summarize the whole thing in one line, I couldn’t think of a better one than that. Women want men.
The Dance of Love
Think of it as a dance. Ever take dancing lessons? I’m sure you had some in school, at least. If you never did, take it from me, my friend, fix that. Salsa, Swing, Ballroom, Tango – whatever floats your boat, cough up the money and take the lessons. Costs you the price of a couple of DVDs.
Do you get disappointed in dates because “it didn’t lead anywhere”, you “didn’t get laid”, or “she only wants you as a friend”? Frustrated about your night out because you “didn’t get a single number“? Well, I have good news and bad news for you. First, the bad: you’re not alone. That’s bad because countless men out there are just as bitchy and jaded as you with their wretched self-pity. The good news: you can make a change. It’s time to declare yourself free from your outcome!
Did you have fun?
What’s outcome-dependence? Well, if you do something only hoping for a certain result, then you are an outcome dependent person. You value the end more than the process, of which you may just be completely oblivious. Your mind isn’t in the here and now, but focused on the benefit you hope to reap from an activity.
It’s not rocket science, really. It may often feel like it, but understanding women only “feels” impossible because you try to “think” your way around. What counts are the right emotions. Remember that old song “Try a little tenderness”? “You won’t regret it, young girls they don’t forget it. Love is their only happiness.” Your job as a man is to see a woman’s feminine nature and respond to it. That’s how you talk to women. You’ll be surprised how much women’s responses to you will improve when you stop tiptoeing around the emotions we all feel, and call them as you experience them.
Communicating Out Of Love
You know how charming old people will sometimes make you the sincerest compliments? My friend was interviewing an old gentleman for her newspaper, and he told her: “You’re such a lovely young lady, you must have a lot of love in your life.” She had a big smile when she told me about it: “What a sweet old man! If only more young guys were like this.” This was in Germany, and I’m sure the old guy had lived through enough pain and hardship to realize what really counts.
I was getting my hand luggage checked at the airport when I overheard two staff members chatting: the first guy had just gotten married. The second one was happy for his colleague, but told him that marriage – no, that was not his thing. I jumped in, congratulating the first guy and picking up the second guy’s thread: “You’re not into marriage?”
He confirmed: “I don’t want that kind of commitment”. I looked at both of them as I picked up my bags: “Well, marriage is an institution, right? What really counts, though, is love.” Their faces lit up, and they gave me a big grin as I wished them a good day and wandered off.
Love or reason?
I see people trying to grasp attraction, love, sexuality with their intellect… And I wonder where we strayed from the simple truths of emotion.
If I was to ask you for a definition of bouncing, which one of the following would you come up with: jumping around in a padded room, denying people entrance to a club, or changing a venue or location with a girl? If your answer is the last one, you’re on to an important skill with women: if you take a girl from one location to another, and it could be as little as different corners of the same room, you are creating an emotional impact. Never underestimate the importance of moving around from place to place.
Stationary Guy vs. Motion Man
If you slip inside a girl’s skin for a minute (I know you want it) and picture yourself at a martini lounge, imagine meeting two guys. One will come over and start casual conversation. He will ask what you’re doing, where you’re from, what your hobbies are. The conversation will be friendly, uncomplicated, and it will go on… and on… and on. If you don’t excuse yourself to get a drink soon, you’ll still be there in 2 hours. (To avoid this, read about making every conversation memorable)
Same spot, same guy.
Now, the other guy just waves at you and motions you to come to him. He’ll then take a wild guess about your job, which leads into a conversation about your profession and hobbies. He will spice it up by deliberately misinterpreting your responses, or teasing you. Soon enough, he leads you over to a couch, where you can sit more comfortably, and when a break in the conversation comes up, he’ll take you to the dance floor, and afterwards, outside for a breath of fresh air.
Many think that playing a guitar in a rock band, and playing well, is one of the best and easiest tickets to getting laid, and, well, in most cases, that’s undeniably true. But consider this: I have a friend who’s always moody or sad. He has a great personality, he plays guitar all the time, in a band, and in front of audiences. He plays well. Yet, no booty for him.
What is he missing?
The sex appeal. That sparkle and joy, the casual innuendo and flirty interplay, the teasing and the whole dance of love that women find so attractive. If he added that to his guitar playing, he’d be a seduction machine. You see, attraction largely works through the buildup of positive emotions.
Start great and get better from there
One of the safest, and at the same time most enjoyable, ways of getting where you want to be (in our case, in bed with a great girl) is by keeping the good stuff coming. Let’s look at music: why do girls fall in love with musicians so much? It’s because these guys understand to appeal to our emotions. They express what lies within us, and take us on an emotional rollercoaster ride. They sing sad songs, but they sing the joyous, upbeat ones to complement them, and sweep girls away with it.
No, seriously. We’re human beings – and we are made to love one another, my friend. Nature intended man and woman to love each other. You’re probably shaking your head right now. Why is Brighty pointing out the freaking obvious to me?
Just the other day, I was talking to a student of seduction, and he asked me: “How do I approach a cute girl so she won’t realize I’m attracted to her?” Look… That’s where I’m shaking my head. You guys all know that we are naturally attracted to the other sex, yet you ask me how you can hide it from the girl you’re talking to? I think you have to realize something that makes the question redundant:
You don’t have to twist a girl’s arm for sex
And I mean “sex” in the wider sense here – the whole dance from the first looks and touches (which should come right away – e.g. a tap on the shoulder to open her) to the flirty whispering in each others’ ears, the playful “us against the world” secrecy, to the hot nights of passion.
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