4 Things I Wish I Could Have Told My 20 Year Old Self

Knowing this at 20 would have made me a huge difference in my life! Here's what I would have loved to tell myself when I was younger.


On Wanting To Be In A Relationship

Why do you want a relationship so badly?

Trust me: you don’t.
(At least not yet).

You might think that you do because you might equate a relationship with keeping a girl around. You might think it means love, sex and all those other nice things but in reality, you can get those things without the commitment. When you finally find someone that’s amazing then things will naturally progress into a relationship without any effort.

You’ll notice that when you’re in your early 20’s, most girls that you date won’t want a huge, forever relationship… and that’s because they have constantly being approached by interesting guys. Why settle when you have so much abundance? Sure you can be great, but there is a lot of fun to be had! Their reality is quite different from yours.

They have dozens of guys chasing them so there’s no point in settling down right now.

Don’t assume women always want a relationship

Ironically, when you enter your late 20’s and early 30’s, you’re going to find that a lot more women are seeking relationships. It’s not because they no longer have attention from guys… but instead they have already HAD their fun and are now ready for something a bit more serious. Unfortunately, this might also be the time where you’re the one that doesn’t want to be attached.

Eventually you’ll find a girl worth settling for and things will just happen… (Even if now you’re not looking for it!)

On Your Appearance

It’s not really fair for guys because when you’re 20… you likely still look like you’re 15-16. Meanwhile,  girls your age look can stop traffic. The lucky ones look as if they belong in magazines even if they never worked out a day in their life.

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You’ll have to make up for your lack of sexiness in order to compete and it might not be easy. You can with either be loud, have an excessive amount of confidence or dedicate a lot of effort towards your appearance. Unfortunately it won’t come naturally (and for some, not at all).

At 20, you don’t wake up in the morning with a sexy 5 o’clock shadow.


If you don’t shave for a day, you probably look more like a weasel than a male model. Fear not though, you DO have options.

Becoming The Hot “20 Year Old Guy”

First, you can either start hitting the gym… hard. The gym will help you tone up and will transform your appearance. Needless to say, it’s not easy but it should be right up there in terms of importance for anyone in their early 20’s.

If you’re working out regularly, you’ll have an immediate and apparent advantage over all your mates. Remember, you’re going to be competing with guys that have been working out for years and naturally have more defined bodies than you so you’ll have to push yourself at the start.

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If working out isn’t your cup of tea (and really, it should), then you can invest a hell of a lot of money into being fashionable. That’s right, reading magazines, studying (yes, I said studying) fashion and knowing what looks good on you will help you surpass your male equivalents. Trust me, it won’t even be that hard. Most guys at 20 have a warped sense of fashion so that effort will quickly pay off.

Last (And this is going to break all the consistency for this article),  you can decide to ignore your appearance and have an overwhelming amount of confidence. I haven’t figured out how to magically muster confidence yet so I can’t tell you how. (Trust me, it’s hard to be super confident at 20 but some guys  pull it off.) Those that do are usually loud, bold, slightly arrogant and will be noticed as soon as they enter any environment.

Truth is, you can make almost any shitty look work… as long as you OWN it.

Find Your Passion and Make Yourself Happy

Even though you consciously know that picking up that hottie won’t fulfill you, you still want to do it. Sometime the idea of finding a nice girl seems to be an answer to all our problems.

Unfortunately, this attitude makes you extremely needy and you need to stop it right now! (Read How To Stop Being Needy)

Being needy is NOT attractive, and if I could go back and tell my 20 year old self one thing it would be this:

“Discover the healthy things that make you happy, and “do” them with a passion!”

When you go out, you want to already be happy. You want to be on top of the world… because people feel it. It will make EVERYTHING easier and you won’t worry about meeting girls.

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It’s counter-intuitive, but the less that you care about the opposite sex, the more success you’ll have with them. The trick to caring less… is… already being happy.

I know I hated hearing that in the past. It seemed so illogical to avoid concentrate on women when that’s all I wanted! “Should I not work on my appearance then? Should I not try to chat them up? How can I approach that girl on the bench if I don’t care about women?”

Well, I don’t have the perfect answer for you.

But here’s an imperfect one:

Regardless of your motivation, you should work on your body, your appearance, your inner self and your presentation. Work towards making yourself happy with… yourself. And then when you’re really happy about yourself, your success won’t depend on your interactions with the opposite sex.

If you can figure out how to win before you leave the house, you’ll win every time.

What do you think? Do you agree? What would you tell your 20 year old if you had the chance? Let us know in the comments down below and share this article if you enjoyed it!