There are various different ways to approach a woman and one of the prominent questions in the seduction community is about which is best: Direct approaches or indirect approaches? I’ll be shedding some light on the subject and explaining why they both have merit in spite of being quite different.
If you look around, you’ll find many professional dating coaches, some of the best in the world, that strongly encourage either indirect or direct openers.
Sure it works for them, but will it work for you?
(For the sake of simplicity, I’ll assume that when you first approach a woman, you can either approach her in two ways: direct, indirect.)
Direct approaches signal immediate interest and let her know immediately that you are hitting on her:
Example: “Hi! I noticed you from across the room and you seemed really interesting, I just had to come meet you.”
Example: “I don’t usually do this, but I just had to let you know that I love your hair, there’s just something about it. I’m Chris”
Indirect approaches start a conversation without immediately signaling any interest. They indicate that you are simply talking to the woman because you’re a social person.
Example: “Hi, could you tell me where Starbucks is?”
Example: “I just have a second before I have to get back to my friends, but I was wondering… my friend just broke up with his girlfriend a week ago, is it too early for me to be introducing him to my female friends?”
Which one works best?
First, let me declare that both approaches work well. However, the level of success you’ll have with either one depends on:
1. Who you are.
2. How good your delivery is.
Well, in each successful approach (both direct and indirect), there is a breaking point at which the woman must decide if she’s interested in you or not. A woman won’t mind talking to an ugly stranger if he’s lost and looking for directions… but she might not talk to an ugly stranger if she knows that he’s hitting on her and trying to get her back to his place.
The beauty of indirect game
The objective of the indirect opener is to allow you enough time to give her a good first impression using your wit, personality and social status. After all, a slightly average guy that’s passionate, funny and interesting will be much more attractive to women than a tall guy that has nothing to say. However, if this average guy, let’s call him Neil, doesn’t have time to demonstrate his personality, the woman will be left with nothing to judge except for his looks.
The power of direct game
In contrast, if you produce a great first impression because of your appearance, body language and tonality, then going direct provides many advantages.
Within a few seconds of your opener, she’ll be forced to decide if she likes you or not as a potential mate based on the little information that she has. What information is this?
– Body language
– Social status *
*Social status will only apply if she’s observed you beforehand in a social environment. If she notices you talking with the club owner, you’ll already have social status by the time you approach her.
Therefore, if a guy, let’s call him Zan, has a great appearance, good body language and feels like girls are constantly “checking him out”, using direct openers will provide a high level of success for him.
With a direct opener, within seconds you’ll have a light sexual vibe going and you’ll be able to escalate quickly or immediately go for a number close. That’s why most so called “naturals” tend to have a good appearance, escalate quickly and rely on a very alpha direct type of game.
The advantages of direct game
If you can pull it off, here are some of the advantages of direct game:
– A direct opener immediately conveys some level of confidence. After all, it takes guts to go up to a beautiful woman. You’ll stand out from all the other guys that just didn’t have the guts to approach her in a direct manner.
– It’s regarded as a very honest way of approaching. Women can handle and appreciate a guy that just says what he thinks. It’s rare, refreshing and women will trust you more.
– They require less time because you can skip all the fluff associated with indirect openers.
All these little subtle advantages will go a long way to helping you succeed with women in spite of being the more risky way of approaching.
Which approach should you use?
Although it might seem like the direct approach has a slight edge over the alternative, there is one major disadvantage to consider: the direct approach is either hit or miss. If she likes you, then you’re in!
If you’re not her physical type, if she’s in a bad mood, if she doesn’t find you attractive, then you’ll encounter a “no” in spite of potentially being a great match.
Who knows, maybe she dislikes your shirt but you’re both passionate marine biologists that would have otherwise gotten along great together… if only you would have talked for a little.
The real power of indirect openers is that it gives you enough time to demonstrate humor, status, wit, wealth and any other personality trait that might be applicable to you. In this case, even though she might think you’re a little too short she’ll be laughing too much to care. The pros will outweigh the cons and you’ll end up going home with her in spite of not being her perfect “type”.
The bottom line:
Ultimately, if you’re confident, good looking and have a great first impression, then you owe it to yourself to try direct openers. After all, they are easier, faster and require less thinking than indirect openers within the same context.
However, for many guys, indirect openers will be the way to go in order to let your personality and humor shine for a few moments. Once she’s attracted, then you’ll be able to show interest and proceed from there.