How To Pick Up Women Without Fear


Listen: Picking up girls shouldn’t be hard; all you need to do is get a good grip beneath their shoulders and lift. I think even if it was this straightforward, most guys still wouldn’t be able to do it because of all the mental blocks they have:

“What if I lift her and she thinks I’m ugly? What if I lift her and then I don’t know where to take her? What if there’s another guy who just lifted her recently and he’s a better lifter?”

Now when you acknowledge that most guys are scared to death to converse with a mystifying woman, you have a recipe for disaster. Fear not, there is hope.

pick up girls

Learning The Art of Pick Up

If you’re new, know that it is possible to learn how to pick up girls in a very short period of time even if you have never done it before. Sometimes it requires little adjustments to your personality, sometimes big ones. Regardless, starting from any skill level, you can go from “not being able to talk to a girl” to being very successful with women in a short period of time (or at the very least, getting her number) by following some key concepts.

One of the best places to start is to hang out with men who are successful with women. By observation, osmosis and asking key questions, you can improve your skillset quite rapidly. If you don’t have the opportunity to hang out with successful men, then the next best thing is to read books by men who are very successful with women. They will give you the theory, the techniques and open your eyes to things that previously seemed impossible. Whatever you do, don’t try to learn from TV shows or movies!

Hanging out with successful men will help you learn

Allow me a blatant plug, but please go through “The Obsession Method” by Kate Spring and it will change your life. I know many people that claim it was one of the first eye opening books on the subject and it completely transformed how they approach women.

Concept 1 : When picking up a girl, you must be detached from the outcome.

If you care about what the girl thinks of you, you are destined to flop. Let’s face it, there are going to be many girls that you are just not compatible with. Many of them just won’t live up to your expectations and you won’t live up to many of theirs. You must get over this and not care if you succeed or get rejected. If you care, then you will do everything you can NOT to screw up, and consequently, this makes you screw up. If you want to practice being detached from the outcome, you can pretend that you’re someone else when you approach. That will help your fear of being rejected because “it won’t be the real you” but instead your persona. You can see this guy pretending to be on a wheelchair approaching girls. Even if he gets rejected… he doesn’t care because it wasn’t really “him”.

Concept 2: When picking up a girl, YOU are choosing her.

When you talk to someone for the first time, you must realize that there’s a reason that you are talking to them. If you’re talking to a woman for the first time, it’s likely that she already knows you’re trying to pick her up. Many guys have tried to pick her up before and many will in the future. This does not mean that she decides if she will accept your approach or not.

Figure out if YOU like her before she has the chance to decide if she likes you

When you go shopping for a car, you might walk into a dealership, but does that mean that you will purchase the car? No way! The only way you’re going purchase the car is if it’s a good investment and the salesman is competent. The same applies to dating. When you go out and you meet a girl, keep in mind that YOU won’t take her home unless you like her. And don’t even think about a relationship just yet!

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Being happy is the most important step

Concept 3: Be happy, enjoy what you do and she will too.

Many guys approach this as a horrifying experience when in reality, it should really be a pleasurable one. If your objective is to find out what kind of person this girl is and then make her smile, then you’re likely to have many good and enjoyable interactions. If you try to “win” by picking her up, you’re doomed for failure. Most of the time, the best pick ups are when you aren’t even trying. Remember, we are not trying to make you into a robotic pickup artist. Instead, we want you to enjoy yourself and have great experiences with women.

Human interactions are not competitions, they are experiences

Concept 4: No immediate compliments!

What ever you do, do NOT compliment her on her looks. Paying attention to detail is good, but as soon as you mention her physical appearance, things start to turn ugly. If anything, you can mention her clothing, accessories or anything out of the ordinary, but do NOT mention her appearance. Even if she has the most beautiful eyes you’ve ever seen, refrain from mentioning it. You can tell her later… much later. This is the fastest way to turn a girl that’s interested in you into an ex.

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Concept 5: Eliminate all obstacles in your set.

One of the challenges when picking up girls is learning to eliminate to overcome obstacles that get in your way. During the day you might run into pretty girls being in a hurry so you have to learn to get them to follow your lead. At night in the club or bar, you might be in a set but the music is so loud that you can’t hear what they say. Perhaps you’re finding women that would like to have sex but you don’t have a convenient place. Whatever the case may be, pick up is about learning to overcome obstacles quickly and efficiently. (These life skills that men learn during the dating years often translate well into other areas of life).

Concept 6: Building attraction immediately

In order to build attraction, you must be able to convey signs (often through body language) of a good and desirable mate. These will naturally be present in men whom workout often and are already successful with women. However, what if you don’t have time to work out often and you aren’t already successful with women ? Well these are traits that you can LEARN from other men. After a while, they will become part of you and you won’t even have to think of them.

You could hang out in some forums dedicated to girls or on Facebook but watch out, a lot of them is just the blind leading the blind. I can’t tell you how many ‘forum junkies’ there are that never really go out. You do not want to follow them because they are wrong more than they are right! Honestly, the best way to learn them is to become friends with men that are successful. You’ll gain confidence as you see what’s possible in the real world. Otherwise, if you don’t have that opportunity and you still want to learn how to pick up girls, I strongly recommend going through the Obsession Method program as it will give you all the secrets to attraction that are normally reserved for the rich and privileged.

It’s one of the best books on the subject of picking up women because it paints a clear picture of what it is to be a man. I know this sounds a little counter-intuitive, but the whole pickup experience begins on the inside. Your personality and self-image is 90% of the conversation you’ll be having with women and the book helps you to completely re-invent yourself when it comes to your approach. I recommend it!

Frequently Asked Questions
How to pick up women with not good looks?

It helps, but you need to be interesting and attractive to that person in order to date them. Why would you date someone you only like on the inside when you can date someone that you like on the outside *and* inside?

Where is all the advice on how to pick up women?

The supposed reasoning is that rather than learning game ("PUA tricks"), one should instead cultivate high SMV which will lead to interest from women.

On the one hand it would be nice to have some more actionable advice. Most of the game/frame writing is focused specifically on not fucking up rather than building attraction.

On the other hand, my opinion is that if a girl loses interest because of some trifling technicality (you called the next day instead of 3 days, you paid for her coffee, you weren't 'aggressive' enough, etc.) then she wasn't really interested in the first place.

How to pick up european women?

Use your legs. If you lift with your arms you'll throw your back out.

How to pick up women?

First ask for permission. Then grab them by waist, making sure you have a solid grip that doesn't hurt them. Finally, lift with your legs! Congrats, you just succeeded in picking up a woman.