Hey, did you ever go out of your way to convince a girl of your personal qualities and assets? Take a date for example: she looks at you from the other side of her coffee mug with mixture of friendliness and waning interest as you tell her all about your job, your solid character and your possessions.
You see, what you are doing there is called qualification: you’re trying to qualify yourself to her. What most men don’t know is that this very process, if it happens the other way around, can be a major attraction trigger for a woman: once she has to actually work for your approval, she’ll get quite excited about you. Now, how do you get to a point where you are qualifying a girl?
Define your standards
What does “qualification” mean? If a person is “qualified” for something, they have the skills or traits it takes to live up to a certain set of standards. That’s what you’re trying to convey to a girl when you’re telling her about all your accomplishments. You’re subtlety saying: “This is why I’m good enough for you”. I’m sure you’ve spent a lot of time figuring out what women generally want in a man (stability, humour, good looks, wealth, social success, charisma…), but can I get an honest answer from you about something?
How much time have you spent defining your standards when it comes to women?
If you’re like me, that idea probably never occurred to you (it only dawned on me when I started to seriously study seduction): now, I’d like you to sit down and define exactly what you want in a woman. Make a list of traits, and keep refining it as you go through your day and watch women, or interact with them.
Only when you have such a clear idea of what you want that you can you “screen” a woman according to it.
Women are already very good at this. From an early age, they are already talking about their ideal husband and that’s why they tend to be very good at making guys qualify themselves.
How it affects your mindset
All right, so now you have a clear idea what you want. Do you feel any different? If you spent your life up until now trying to kiss up to hot chicks so you could get a piece of them, I think that this little act of making this list alone will have changed how you perceive yourself. What’s new? You’re now the guy who selects women, not the guy who tries to get selected.
Realize this: you have every right in the world to go out and get what you want, and in any area of your life. Don’t even settle for anything below your standards. Want a non-smoker? Go get her. It’s as easy as asking: “hey, do you smoke?”
How to qualify
In fact, let’s stay with the “smoking” example. Now, imagine you’re on a date and she mentions her cigarettes while she’s talking to you. Now, you may be inclined to bite your tongue and be nice about it, not mentioning that you don’t want a smoker. After all, you don’t want to piss her off, right? Wrong. Here’s where qualification kicks in. Imagine going on like this:
You: Hang on a second there. You smoke? Ugh! That’s despicable!
(turn away with a playfully overdone look of disdain on your face)
Her (laughing): Well, only occasionally!
(there! She’s qualifying herself to you!!)
You: Yeah? Like, only when you’re awake? I knew there was a string attached to you.
The key here is to be playfully challenging.
Yes, she can have your affection, but she has to work for it. When you present a challenge, don’t make it insurmountable: you’re willing to be with a smoker if she makes an effort to cut it down or smoke outside? Good. If smokers are an absolute, rock-solid no-go for you though, and she clearly smokes a lot and has no intention of changing that, well then you guys don’t fit together.
The concept of investment
The more somebody invests in something, the more they ultimately want to get it. If a woman signals that she is willing to make an effort for your affection, that’s a clear sign of attraction. Don’t underestimate these little things. The more confident you are about yourself, the more boldly you can ask for her investment. If delivered with the right kind of tenure, you can even open a woman with a qualification question: “Are you friendly?”
In general, though, you don’t want to start qualifying someone right away. Spend some time talking to her, build interest, intrigue and attraction, and then subtly introduce your “woman requirements” into the interaction. Just remember: get a girl to invest in you rather than investing too much into her too soon. Women are attracted to challenging men.