You want to learn how to be attractive to women – but how is a woman going to be attracted to you before you even know who you are yourself? Your first major step is to get your “inner game” sorted out: your confidence, steadiness, backbone and self-reliance need to be in place.
We’ve brought up this issue before, but it is so important that it deserves an article of its own: know yourself and become attractive. Do you know your core values, interests, what drives you emotionally, what defines you as a unique character? There are several areas in your life you can explore, and in a clichéd psychiatrist manner, my first piece of advice is: explore your past.
Find your reality by looking in your past
Obviously, you underwent your deepest and most fundamental transformations during your childhood and puberty, which plunged you into emotional turmoil and distress. We all remember those school days when we suffered through first love, tried all the outrageous things, when we often felt alone and misunderstood, and our friends meant the world. Once you grow beyond your teens, chances are you’ll settle into a more stable, uneventful life that flows evenly in its routines. This is when you should revisit your turbulent years and get back in touch with what made you tick, what drove your passion, which obstacles you overcame and which realizations you had.
I’ll never forget the deep conversations with my friends – they were like a sport, we would sleep over at each other’s places and wander through the open fields at night to philosophize under starlit skies. Think about the friends you had, hopefully still have, where they are now, what they meant to you and what they mean today. Think about all you’ve experienced with them.
I also regularly revisit my CDs from that time: not only is the music still awesome today, as an added bonus, it evokes the same emotions and thoughts, hence “grounding” me. Music speaks to one particular sense, obviously, it’s hearing. Triggering our other senses can evoke strong flashbacks and moments of identification, too: think of smells that stayed with you – the smell of the roast your parents used to make on Sundays. Remember the taste as well for good measure. There are sounds, like the ticking of your living room clock, or movies, which spoke to your sense of seeing. That kind of “soul-searching” will make sure you don’t lose yourself – and that’s what “finding yourself” is all about.
Speak from your heart and share your passion
We were all once in touch with ourselves, but as grown-ups, we can easily become so detached that we no longer recognize our core values and strengths. All we know is that something inside is out of tune, and we try to use reasoning, the rationale of our minds, to get a hold of it. The truth is, there is no truth unless you feel it. A man who’s out of touch with himself is not going to attract a woman: whenever he approaches one, he’ll have to speak from some place in his head because his heart is buried under layers of mental junk. But women are not attracted to logic or reasoning. They want pure and unfiltered emotion.
Your best, most positive emotions are triggered by whatever your heart beats for. Think about your hobbies: rafting, photography, singing, cooking, biking, swimming… Then ponder what’s attached to them. Which desires deep in your soul made you pick them up?
Next time you’re with a woman, don’t say: “Yeah, I like rafting.” Say: “God, I miss the smell of the fresh air and the feeling of water that splashes on my skin when I ride through a river rapid. You know, in turbulent rapids, the water forms a cloud of vapour that refreshes your entire body as you go through it. Last time I went rafting, me and my friends dashed through a couple of those and when we reached a calm part of the river and drifted along and the sun shone on our skin, I looked down into the water and saw a bunch of fish. In that moment, I completely lost track of time. I just stared for twenty minutes and my mind was at perfect peace.”
Your present and future
There is only so much I can cover in this article, but lastly, when you’re done exploring your past, take a look at your present and future. The Now, this very moment, is the necessary culmination of all your life’s paths, this is where everything comes together. Also, it’s all you have, because past and future are ultimately constructs of our minds. Now you have explored the past, you can assess the role of the present moment in the patterns of the big picture. Where do you want to go from here? Which kinds of people, which kind of woman do you want to have by your side as you move forward? It’s your sense of clarity and direction that will make you an intriguing and appealing character.