I remember that one day when I was talking to an Italian friend of mine. She had recently moved to another country: “I am disappointed in the men here”, she sighed. “In Italy, the guys are so forward with us girls, we have to swat them off with tennis rackets. But here, it feels like nobody notices me.” On that day, I had a fundamental insight: women want to be noticed! This is one of the many pieces of the puzzle that I wanted to share in this article that will allow you how to understand the mind of a women, their needs and thinking behind finding a relationship.
Here’s how I do it: I talk to them, and I ask questions.
That’s all, the simple use of words and deciding to use more of them or cutting the conversation short if you feel it is going in the direction you want… there’s really nothing to lose except a bruised ego that will pass in no time.
To Understand Women: Spend Time With Them
It’s so funny how anybody will tell you: “If you want to know something, just ask”, and yet, it only occurs to the fewest to ask women about what they want and feel. Of course, just walking up and asking “what do you want?” is hardly going to cut it. Your first step has to be: get women into your life.
I’m not telling you to build a harem here, or collect lovers like butterflies. Harry and Sally notwithstanding, you can actually just be friends with women. In fact, giving them the “let’s just be friends” line first is a nice technique to heat them up for ya, a lot of men do this, and the same goes for women, but that’s another situation altogether.
Anyhow, guess what, female friends are highly beneficial. You don’t only have the chance to meet their hot friends, and the friends of those friends, but you also get to peek inside their hearts and minds. So…
- Get a female roommate and hang out in the kitchen when she has her friend over.
- Make friends with girls at work – or even older women, why the heck not?
- Socialize with the ladies, take them to the movies, do your favorite things together.
The thing is opportunities to talk will come naturally, and so will the opportunities to listen! Your curiosity will get you a long way regardless the situations and everything will start falling in place.
Become comfortable around them
Just a side note. Of course, this requires overcoming that irrational fear of women that inextricably binds so many men to their right hands. If you’re one of those dudes, you need to stop seeing this as as one of the biggest problems and more a challenge. Push yourself out there, set yourself an example and you’ll see anything is possible. Get yourself a training plan. Start with two approaches a day and don’t judge the outcome. Then move forward from there… it’s all part of the plan!
Remember, to see women as simply people should help remove the fear of rejection, which ultimately is one of the main goals.
Learn About Women By Asking Them Questions
Now it’s time to go more hardcore. With all the insights you accumulate from friends, you can get even more valuable stuff from women you approach or go on dates with. Let me give you a little nugget here: acknowledge that you are a student of life and love, and do not hide it.
Women will actually appreciate you for putting in all that effort and take action to get good with them. So, as soon as a woman ends a conversation, or a date ends with the classic death-sentence “bye, it’s been nice meeting you”, or a contact fizzles out, be a man, get your balls together and ask her the reason way:
“Hey, I am really curious. We had this good start, but at some point, it seems like I lost you. What happened?”
Try and understand what happened from her perspective, you may even discover that she had her own challenges of trying to impress you. This may have affected her own behavior and felt it was time to go home as in her head she was embarrassing herself and felt there was no point in trying to grab your attention any longer.
Feelings, emotions and thoughts can engulf the mind quicker than the world spins and can effect the actions of any person. It’s not an issue that challenges only guys, but that doesn’t mean you cannot be the one to show care & empathy and try and resolve the situation by expressing your reality and the differences in how you saw the date.
No matter the situation, no matter the thing that got in the way… whatever the problem, rest assured, the ability for everyone to speak the truth and from the heart is the best course of action for both of you.
Ask questions, answer honestly and come up with a conclusion on how to move forward, regardless if you think she is the girl of your dreams and had a wonderful connection. Your conclusion will very much depend on her honesty and how she feels. If she doesn’t end up being your girlfriend, then so what, there are plenty more interactions awaiting you and the perfect partner could be right around the corner.
Girls Aren’t Sure of Themselves Either
See what she comes up with! Perhaps she’ll end up saying “actually, you know what, I don’t know that myself. Why don’t we go for a drink?” Others will give you very clear reasons, tell you where you did what to turn them off. This is hands-on knowledge – from the mouths of babes, as they say and is vital knowledge for your next relationships.
On the other end, if something turns out well and you end up getting her, you can ask her (preferably after you sleep with her):
“I’m really curious. When did you know we’d sleep together?”
What I’m saying is: Your curiosity will get you a long way. He who is not inquisitive will not learn about women, and he who will not learn about women will not get ’em. So throw your inhibitions out the window and forget about what society dictates. You cannot lose here and the best part, anyone can do it. Learning how to understand women means that you have to be around them on a regular basis, and it is precisely that which will give you all the power!
Do women not understand how hard it is for an average guy to get laid?
Women in general regarding men seeking casual sex? Probably not.
I doubt they give a shit, either, since the solution is simply to seek LTRs and stopping fighting an uphill battle, assuming you have an interest in actually having sex... but I digress.
In your experience how complicated hard to understand do you find women?
I find that most of my troubles with understanding a woman is due to other reasons than the fact that she's a woman. In other words, it can be difficult to understand her because she's a person different than me, not because she's a woman and I am not.
Guys how come you think women are hard to understand?
They're not. Humans who are different from you can be difficult to understand. You need to practice empathy and listening (really listening to someone) and then you'll be better at communicating. Most people want support and love/encouragement from their friends/family/partners, but the sort of love/support/encouragement they want can look different depending on the situation and their personality.
Just be there for the people you care about, try to understand what they're going through and where they're coming from, and communicate if you're confused about something.
Why don't most men understand how to properly treat women?
I think you need to talk to a therapist.
How do you learn to understand women?