One of the greatest inventions of the 20th century. It allows you to contact your crush, whenever you want. You no longer have to wait around for casual run-ins. Most people even find that they are more confident behind their cellphones than they would be in person. However, this can be a double-edged sword. You can use this newly found confidence to pursue a girl that you may be afraid to, otherwise. However, you still have to use discretion and refrain from using texting as a free-for-all in which no flirting and dating rules apply.
This is a timeline for when and what to text someone that you are interested in throughout the development of the relationship. See our updated complete texting guide for a more in depth overview.
When to send the first text.
The first text that you send a girl can set the standard for the entire relationship. If she is immediately put off by what you wrote, you may have blown your one chance. When you should text a girl, relies heavily on when you met her. If you have known her for a while and she just doesn’t know that you are into her, there’s no real rule on how long to wait. It may be a good idea to wait until you have seen her recently so that you are fresh in her mind, and the text doesn’t appear to be totally out of the blue. If you just met the girl, forget the “wait three days” rule.
It’s played out and overdone, every girl knows that’s what you’re doing.
Change things up a little bit by only waiting a day or two. You don’t want to text a girl immediately the next morning after meeting. Doing this makes you seem too eager and desperate. However, waiting a day allows you to play it cool while still showing that she definitely got your attention.
The initial text.
Sending the first text can be intimidating. It needs to be flirty and suggest interest without being too forward and aggressive. Instead of just texting out of nowhere, have somewhat of a purpose. Take something that happened or was said during your encounter and reference it.
“Hey, Gabby. I just heard that song that you said you liked the other night and it made me think of you. Just wanted to say hi.”
This will let her know that you were paying attention. A text like this expresses your genuine interest without coming on too strong. It also leaves room for her to respond without being too pushy. Once she texts you back, feel out the situation and determine her level of interest.
Ask her out.
Texting is a low pressure situation to ask a girl out on a date. Don’t wait too long before doing this. It is okay to spend a few days texting back and forth but don’t wait much longer. You want to be upfront about your feelings and level of interest from the get-go. Otherwise, she will wonder why you haven’t asked her out and begin to think you just want to be friends. Sometimes it can be intimidating to ask a girl out in person. You are more likely to be nervous and awkward, and it also puts her on the spot. Suggesting a date through a text may be a more comfortable situation for both of you.
“I was thinking about going to see Catching Fire on Friday night. You should come with me I’ve heard it’s awesome!”
Texting after the first date or two can be treacherous territory to navigate. Sure, you landed a date with her. That does not, however, result in a green light for texting whenever and whatever you please. You still have to employ some tactics in your texting game. The day after your first date text her something to let her know that you enjoyed yourself. Then, leave it at that. Wait a little while before texting, again.
“I had a really great time with you last night.”
You are expressing your continued interest without being overly forward and aggressive. This strategy also puts the ball in her court. Wait to see if she initiates contact with you, next. Be aware of when you are texting her and give her some space. Don’t text her when you know that she is at work, in class, or with her friends. These scenarios will make you seem like a nuisance. Text when you know that she is free to text you back, and you are more likely to get her full attention.
To sext or not to sext?
Once you have been dating someone for a while, it’s totally normal to get the urge to send a dirty text or two. Trying this for the first time can be tricky because you have no idea how she is going to respond. One thing to remember is that all sexts are not created equal. Start with someone mild and monitor her response. If you get the feeling that she isn’t into it, you can play it off like that’s not what you were hinting at.
“Texting can be both a blessing and a curse. While it can make communicating with your crush less intimidating, it comes with its own set of challenges.”
“I really wish I was with you right now…”
Leave it open ended and it let her take control of where the conversation goes next. Start with a “feeler text” such as this one and give her the option to make the next move.
Now that you have a good start on when and what to text, let’s cover when and what NOT to text. Do not overuse emoticons Inserting a winky face or a smiley face here and there is okay. Inserting hearts, flowers, and kissy faces at the end of every flirty text are, by no means, okay. It is possible to have too much of a good thing. Show restraint when using emoticons.
“I had so much fun last night”
Do not drink and text.
You’ve been playing it cool and your texting game has been on point. Then one Friday night you have one too many beers with the guys and you send her a string of 12 text messages confessing your undying love. Texting while drinking is a serious offense and it is not taken lightly. When in doubt, let one of your friends safeguard your phone until you’re sober enough to make good decisions.
“Yourrjus so hottt and I luv yu so muchjjnbb”
Do not use one word (or, one letter) responses.
Girls read into everything you say or do. Girls read, even more, into everything that you text. Every string of characters that you send us is going to be analyzed and reanalyzed. Then it will be sent to be analyzed and reanalyzed by all of our best friends. Put thought and effort into what you text. Texting is challenging because you cannot read facial expressions or tones. Be extra careful and considerate of your text may come across. Short responses exude disinterest.
Texting can be both a blessing and a curse. While it can make communicating with your crush less intimidating, it comes with its own set of challenges. The texting language is one that you have to learn and understand in order to use it to boost your game.
This guide of do’s and don’ts will give you the confidence that you need to master the skill of texting the girl that you are interested in.