Let’s say you met a girl you really like, had a nice chat with her, asked her a question or two and then got her number. Now you want to take your relationship with her to the next level – as a girlfriend, or a secret lover, or a friend-with-benefits, etc.
Big question: What should you text message her to make her want you too?
If you’ve ever found yourself in the same situation in your life, then I have some bad news for you if you’re trying to get that first date or a girlfriend…
If you’re trying to make girls like you more over text message, then you’re making one of the most common mistakes men make with women in the dating game. This article will explain why, and what you should do instead, to make more girls like you and turn it into a first or second date… when all you have is their phone number.
The 3 Biggest Mistakes Men Make When Texting Girls
The big rule men break many times when texting a woman they like all stem from one wrong idea:
That you can make a girl fall in love with you over text.
The thing is, it might be possible if the girl is super-lonely or super-desperate… but for the vast majority of other girls, you’re doing the EXACT OPPOSITE of making them want you romantically and/or sexually! Ultimately they want someone to talk to or have conversations with, not develop a relationship with someone via text.
To text girls is fine, but let’s see if you’ve ever made any of the following texting mistakes:
Mistake #1: Going Into Long Text Messages With a Girl You Secretly Like
Have you ever gotten into a text session with a girl that lasted several hours, and spanned dozens of texts? It’s a common mistake: It’s easy to think that the longer she texts with you, the more she likes you… if anything, save some of the conversation for when you meet up, because if you don’t, you may discover why it’s a big mistake.
It’s a big mistake, because:
- The longer she texts with you, the more she’ll find ways to see you as friends instead of a potential boyfriend/lover.
- The longer the text sessions goes, the higher the chances she gets bored with you.
- The more texts you send, the more chances you’ll send something that offends her or turns her off… and nothing can be worse than that!
Long story short: Going into long text sessions will only kill your chances of getting a date with her. So don’t! Instead, what I like to do is send a series of carefully crafted text messages that trigger a chemical response in her mind (dopamine). These slowly make her addicted to you almost as though she sees you as her lover (see the video linked above) and the method works far better than making a call.
Mistake #2: Flirting Over A Text Message
Flirting with a girl over text is actually okay. But you know what’s MUCH better than flirting over text?
It’s flirting face-to-face, especially while on a date having a conversation. This is really the only way of getting a girlfriend or future lover… you simply cannot get to this stage through texting alone. It’s time to face the fact you need to rely on good old fashioned conversations… and a lot of it!
How else can you get a feeling of whether you like her from your interaction, whether there’s a spark, her body language, how the banter goes, how you connect as people, and. the effort she puts in giving you an answer? There’s simply no way this can be done on text.
Part of the fun with dating for the first time is the chase. Save some flirting for then, keep it clean, lighthearted and make her smile. Work off her vibes and discover more about the woman in front of you and what she likes… this consequently means more topics to talk about, a question or so, longer conversations and ultimately more opportunities to reply to her and flirty.
Here are some more rules as to way flirting over text is a mistake because:
- Interactions tend to be stripped of their meaning and emotion when done over text instead of face-to-face [R]… so it normally doesn’t work (and in fact fails most miserably most of the time).
- When it DOES work, then you’ll be giving her some extra-high expectations for your meet-up… and if you don’t deliver, she’ll resent you for it.
So if you think you can deliver at the date and can talk game… and if you’re not too terribly attached to the girl… then go ahead and flirt over text message.
Otherwise, there’s a much better way to make her like you… and that’s coming up later in this article.
Meanwhile, here’s the third big texting mistake men make:
Mistake #3: Confessing Your Feelings Over Text
This is probably the worst mistake of all…
If you’ve ever confessed your feelings to a girl over a text conversation, then what happened next is probably the same as what happened to every other guy who tried it:
- They got no reply (ignored)
- They got friend-zoned
- They were told to stay away
- Or the resulting face-to-face meet-up tended to be awkward or confrontational [R]
According to the study, men who are dating side in part towards expressing almost the same amount of affection through texting as men who are engaged… a strong indication of expressing your feelings prematurely and not recommended when have a text conversation with women.
This is one of the reasons why men fail to get their ex-girlfriend back after a breakup… even their ex lover will say no.
It’s not a texting-only mistake, by the way. Confessing your feelings to a girl face-to-face is also a horrible idea (unless of course she’s your long term girlfriend). And it’s all for the same basic reasons:
- You put her on a pedestal, which basically makes her look down on you.
- You make yourself look weak, needy, and desperate – which no girl would ever find attractive in a man… next you’ll be asking her to go home and meet the family?
- If she doesn’t know you that well, she has a clear incentive to say “no”
- Women are basically less thrilled when receiving confessions than men are [R]
The study looks into who confesses love first in a romantic relationship and shows that on average 61.5% of men confess their love to a woman first, whereas women consider the importance of commitment before saying “I love you”… get the message!?
So long story short: DON’T confess your feelings woman. Save that for the proposal. Instead, follow an approach that’s stronger, manlier, and sexier…
The Right Way to Text a Girl You Like For a Date
Read this carefully: Texting women is meant to be a TOOL for dating and seduction. It’s meant to help you get more results from your efforts in meeting, dating, and seducing women… NOT take the place of your efforts.
And that’s the bad news you might not want to hear regarding texting, but need to nonetheless: You can’t hide your lack of real-world flirting skills by developing your text-flirting skills through short questions and conversations…
In fact, if you are man enough, you’d admit it’s likely the case you are texting girls too often for fear of doing the hard work through face-to-face conversation. This undermines how much of a man you are and women can see it a mile away and lose interest.
Sorry. There’s just no escaping it. You really need to dump your text conversation and get out there and face the girls… and the sooner you learn this the better.
“Don’t solely rely on technology for successful dating”
But here’s the GOOD news…
When you use texting as the dating/seduction tool it’s meant to be, then you can set a wonderful upward spiral into motion:
- You use texting to get more dates with women.
- By going on more dates, you become more successful with women.
- By becoming more successful, you become more confident and experienced (especially on how to start a conversation).
- By becoming more confident and experienced, you start getting even MORE dates with women you’ve just met.
- Rinse and repeat
If that sounds good to you, then here are the three things you need to start doing right away:
First Things First: Your Goal is to Ask Her on a Date
- It’s harmless
- It’s easy to do
- Since you’re not putting her in a spot, she’s more likely to say “yes”
Your goal, then, is to adjust your texting method to maximize the number of dates with the girls you meet. Don’t worry about making her like you or feel attracted to you – that’s what the date is for. The goal in question, is to get her to meet you face-to-face first before even thinking about girlfriend or lover material.
Got it? Good. Now let’s move on to the next step:
Secondly: Keep Questions & Rapport-Building Over Text to a Minimum
When you text a girl and she responds excitedly to you, you might feel tempted to keep building that connection over text message. You can go ahead if you’re confident enough, but avoid doing it for too long – otherwise you’ll risk making Mistakes #1 and #2 (see above).
Remember, it’s ALWAYS better to build rapport with a girl face-to-face, on a proper date and not through questions on text. So here’s a better approach to follow:
- You text a girl, and somewhere along the way she responds excitedly or flirts with you
- Immediately suggest meeting up sometime soon. You can text her something like:“Hey, you know what, I’ll be checking out the new bar in your area. We should totally hang out.”
- Once she responds positively, set a date.“Great. Tomorrow at 9, then. See you.”
- Then end the text session.
Why end the text session so soon?
That’s up next…
Thirdly: As a Man, Keep the Text Conversation Short
If you really like the girl and want something romantic/sexual to blossom between you, then make no mistake: You MUST keep your text sessions short. The reason being the 3 Mistakes mentioned earlier: The longer the text conversation goes, the higher your chances of ruining everything and getting the woman you want.
So instead, make a connection, get a good reaction, set up the date, end the text session, and prepare for the date and engage in a deep, meaningful conversation. You shouldn’t need more than 10 text messages to do that… just add a limit to how much texting you do!
To text girls is part art form, and the key is to consciously limit the text conversation before asking her out. It’s about being man enough to set that limit and knowing you will have to eventually meet each other in person and use actual words in conversation… remember guys, texting is a means to get her attention, have a little laugh and a joke before setting up the date for a “real” talk.
Meanwhile, if your text session has gone over 10 text messages and she’s not connecting with you, it’s best to end the text session and try again another day. You can end the text session with:
“Anyway, I gotta go – going to a party tonight. Gotta get ready. Ciao.”
When you end a text message with a glimpse into your exciting lifestyle (such as in the example above), she might say:
“Wait, there’s a party? Can I come along?”
And if she doesn’t, it’s fine, she’s not exactly your girlfriend. You can then go ahead and text with the next woman on your list.
The Best Time to Text a Girl & What to Ask Her
The best time to text a girl after meeting her is on the same night you meet her… this is because you’ve already had the opportunity to talk and interact with her.
“Hey, it’s Chris. Happy to meet a fellow athlete. Cheers :)”
…or the following day, like this message.
“Hey, it’s Chris from last night. What’s your schedule like this week?”
If she’s interested, she’ll reply to you… and if she’s not, she won’t. Such is life with women, and either way, you got the message, and know where you stand.
That’s why, as a man, you should always, always be approaching and meeting girls you’re interested in or attracted to, and getting their numbers for a potential date. Keep your pipeline full, and the ones who say “yes” to you will make all your efforts worth it… it may take a little time, but you’ll be going to bed feeling a lot happier.
Just remember that a text message is a tool that only takes you so far, it’s your friend during good times, but can be your enemy if you abuse it.
All of this is based on my friend Christian’s How2TXTHer program, a step by step guide to getting women sexually addicted to you via text message and making them your potential girlfriend or lover.
It’s the only program that focuses on using proven physiological techniques to stimulate her mind with your text messages. He shares 5 magic messages that you can use right now to get a girl interested in you, even if she didn’t mean to give you her number.
Resources & References
Still haven’t figured out what to text that girl you like? Check out the resources below for more tips on the type of messages and conversations to have over text.
- The How2TxtHer guide, the ultimate guide to texting women (including transcriptions, copy/paste texts, case studies and “what to do if she says…”
- How to spot a girl likes you through texting by COCO Chanou
- The Impact of Texting on Perceptions of Face-to-Face Communication in Couples in Different Relationship Stages – Journal of couple & relationship therapy by Joshua R. Novak, Jonathan G. Sandberg, Aaron J. Jeffrey, & Stephanie Young-Davis
- On a lighter note, how to text a girl by Charisma on Command
Let’s get serious: Communicating commitment in romantic relationships – Journal of personality and social psychology by Ackerman, J. M., Griskevicius, V. & Li, N. P
More often then not what is your reasoning behind not responding to a girls' text?
Got distracted by something and forgot about it.
What do you do when girls respond to your text with only one word?
Move on. It's probably a dude. Either way, not serious.
What is a cute good morning text girls love waking up to?
Just a simple good morning goes a long way it shows them you care enough to text them first thing
What are things girls like for guys to do or say over text?
"Hows your day"
"How've you been feeling"
*engage in conversation when she starts*
*ask questions about the future (not like kids or marriage) like what would be on your bucket list if you had one?*
be genuinely caring and listen to what she is saying*
*for the love of GOD BE YOURSELF!!!!!!*