Bars, parties, clubs, even the streets: they used to be my daily and nightly scenes of disappointment, the places where I would gather up all my courage, talk to beautiful women, fail and get discouraged to even try again. It’s enough to spark that ever-present, debilitating approach anxiety that keeps you from talking to women more and more often. Like for most of us out there, it’s one of the meanest demons you have to defeat before you can become truly good with women: and one day to do it is by taking small, easily manageable steps. Here’s what you’ll learn if you start approaching one woman a day.
Back in my shy days, I fancied myself about as attractive as the fat old scarred prick from next door who ran around drunk in his wifebeater drooling on teenage girls. In case you wonder, he was not attractive. Why did I think of myself like that? Because whenever I got the courage to talk to a girl, I would tremble in fear and have a horribly awkward interaction about 80 per cent of the time. The other 20 per cent, I would simply fail period. Not exactly a confidence boost.
Approaching one woman a day helped change that.
It’s a simple, easily manageable project, when you think of it. There’s nothing fancy or demanding, or even really challenging, about talking to one woman a day: you come across so many, and all you need to do is say “Hey” and “How’s it going?” – or whatever else comes to your mind. It’s so easy, it’s ridiculous. Here’s what makes this approach so powerful for your development:
You get an immediate reward
Usually, when you approach women, you desire specific outcomes: they’re beautiful and you want to get to know them, you want to come up with great conversational skills, or you simply want to sleep with them. These desired outcomes all lie somewhere down the road: they require effort and several steps to attain eventually. “One woman a day”, on the other hand, is the easiest thing in the world to attain. Once you walk up to one and start talking, you’ve achieved your goal for the day.
The killer is: Everything you do from there is an added bonus! So you’re not only fulfilling your goal for the day, but also – very likely – getting great little rewards on top of that, like smiles, favorable reactions, even phone numbers.
Increasing your chances
The more people you talk to, the more people will react favorably. Now, this is a numbers game at first, really. If you’re so shy that you barely talk to 2-3 people at work, plus perhaps one at parties you get invited to about once a month, or less, well your success rate is going to be very low. You’re lucky if you make 1 good friend a year, and get one lover every 2 years. Heck, some guys even have way less than that, I’m not kidding.
One woman a day, though, that means a minimum of 7 conversations with new people a week! Can you imagine how that increases your rates? Let’s say your usual failure rate is 70%, it’ll still mean you have one fun conversation with a great outcome (ie: A fun date) a week. How’s that for numbers?
As you practice, you improve
Your progress might not be noticeable at first. However, if you do this for, say, one to two weeks and then look back at where you started, you will see one big change: while it was incredibly hard at first to even say “hi” and “how’s your day going?” to somebody, now you’re easily able to say even more than that AND captivate the other person, 2 or 3 out of 7 times.
You realize that you are attractive
Remember how I perceived myself as Mister Repulsive? I tried everything when it comes to making myself appear more tempting to women. I played all kinds of tricks, pulled all kinds of routines, dressed in all kinds of ways because I thought that my personality alone wasn’t enough to pull it off. But when I just increased the numbers of women I talked to, I realized that I be myself completely and still attract a fair deal of women. Here’s one simple fact of life: not everybody is everybody’s type.
BUT: there are about 3.2 billion women between 20 and 34 years on the planet today.
Start talking to them now. You’ll be surprised at how many you’ll have in your life in no time.
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And there’s one last thing you’ll learn:
Trial and error is how you improve
Once you start doing this low-risk, low-input mission of talking to women, you will find that every single interaction is an opportunity for you to improve something. As you talk to the ladies, watch how they react to you. Where do they smile, at which point do they turn and face you, where do they turn away, when exactly do you lose their interest? Then, keep what works and discard what doesn’t.
Just be sure to not get ahead of yourself. Even when as get good enough to get numbers, dates, lovers, don’t stop appreciating every single time you go out there and approach a woman. Don’t forget that no matter what you’ll learn if you start approaching one woman a day, the actual basis of it all is going out there and talking to the girls – regardless how it goes. You have to do it for yourself to believe.