Have you ever tried to “talk” a woman into feeling love for you? I’ll tell you what, I’ve been in that situation many times, falling deeply for a girl and finally gathering up the courage to tell her, just to fall flat on my butt with it. I learned the hard way that no argument in the world will get a girl to like me: rationale will never trigger emotion. Sure, a woman may decide to marry a rich man, but that doesn’t mean love is involved. On the other hand, she may fall desperately for the poorest sitar player because he’s highly intelligent. If you improve your emotional intelligence, you’ll improve your love life as well.
When he released his bestselling book Emotional Intelligence in 1995, the psychologist Daniel Goleman brought the notion to massive mainstream attention. Here’s a definition he gave in 1998: “Emotional Intelligence refers to the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and our relationships.” His main argument is that emotional-intelligence stands beside the classic cognitive intelligence and has a major influence on how a person will shape their life.
In other words, IQ and Emotional Intelligence are two separate forces working together to dictate how you’ll behave. Even though you might KNOW you should do something, you might not because of emotional intelligence.
I will share three ideas with you today that will help your success with women.
Pick up on her feelings
We marvel at the mannerisms of our dogs and cats, go to the zoo to watch how exotic animals behave, or even take an expensive holiday to go “whale-watching”. We take all this time studying other species, but do you ever “people-watch”? It’s a rewarding activity. In the streets, at your workplace, in the subway: observe the interactions of your fellow human beings. How do lovers display their affection, how do they make each other smile? How do friends behave, what kind of attitude does the business guy give his colleague?
You can learn from these things. You can learn about yourself. Now, when you interact with a woman, you can tell more and more accurately how she’s feeling and what her reactions mean. You can also call her on them: “I notice you don’t feel comfortable. Let’s change the subject.” or “glad I made you smile. Seems like you love chocolate.”
Goleman explains that the ability to wait for goodies can be directly connected to success in life. Well, I’m sure we can both think of numerous goodies you’ll want from a woman: your best bet to get them is taking it one step at a time. Women will appreciate you for being able to wait, and there’s a good chance you will reap strong rewards for doing so.
One of the more attractive qualities of a man is that he can delay gratification. Showing that you can wait in spite of wanting immediate gratification demonstrates willpower and that you are not needy.
Start thinking with your heart.
Ever watch Moulin Rouge? Remember that one line? “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is to discuss the personal advantages of selecting a well-bred, healthy male with a solid income, the best of intentions, well-refined taste, good attire and exquisite manners”? You don’t? Well I don’t either. That’s because the line actually says “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and to be loved in return.” That’s what women fall for!
Don’t offer her gifts, stability or intellectual conversation.
Offer her love. Passion.
How do you do that when you’re at some café with her? Well, first of all, you pick a place that has comfy seating, like sofas. Then, don’t sit opposite her. Sit next to her, so you can:
– Whisper in her ear
– Take her hand when you’re making a point
– Touch her shoulders or knees
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Introduce the emotions you are looking for into the conversation. Remember, she’s a woman and you’re a man, and you’re not there to discuss algebra. Cut out the superficial crap at an early point and get to the core of beauty, truth and love. It helps to keep an eye out for these things in your every day life, too: by finding beauty in each little event, you strip away some of the phony clutter that clouds your days and turn your life into a more pure, genuine experience.
Demonstrate a masterful control of your emotions, start watching other people’s behavior as well as your own: learn to recognize emotions and react appropriately to them and you’ll improve your love life. It’s a skill, much like attentiveness for beauty in everyday scenes, or patience.
What actually is meant by emotional intelligence'?
There are 4 basic components:
1) Self Awareness - How aware you are of what you are feeling when and why.
2) Self Management - How actively you are able to manage your behavior and emotions with intent and purpose.
3) Social awareness - How are you are of what others are feeling and why.
4) Social Management - How actively you are able to act to address other people's emotions intentionally and effectively.
This is becoming a critical set of career skills, FYI. High emotional intelligence correlates very closely with strong work performance, whereas high traditional intelligence actually has a very poor correlation with strong work performance.
How have intps worked on their emotional intelligence?
For me I approached it like one would approach learning a language. I started watching more drama movies, did people watching, paid attention to how people interacted at my university/work, etc. Then I forced myself to be in more social situations of varying degrees: Took up a small event organization job, asked people about their day and was genuinely curious about them. Then I started keeping in touch with people more, and from there was able to grow friendships with people who could appreciate me for whatever sort of human I am.
It's a process that is 6 years in the making so far, but it's fairly interesting. I still don't really understand everything emotional, but it's fun to examine, engage, and personally develop. Not understanding is one of the fun parts of it really, maybe that's why it's so interesting.
It's like people exploring, and you get to reverse engineer peoples' brains and try to uncover what *really* makes them tick. I've gained a greater appreciation for human psychology through this as well.
Do you feel that people lack emotional intelligence in dubai?
Yes, generally. Look at the way people drive like maniacs with no regard for the safety of anyone else. Look at the way people treat those with less money or a different nationality. Look at the shameless materialism. Look at the way people turn up to meetings and appointments whenever they damn well feel like it because their time is more important. Look at the way people run to the police the moment someone looks at them the wrong way. Look at the way many bosses make their employees work excessive hours and shout at them to make them "work better."
If people don't ever grow up, the progress of this country will be limited.
How do you improve emotional intelligence or emotional availability?
>I recently got a stress-induced illness without even admitting to myself that I was stressed.
At that level of emotional distance you should see a counselor. Because it's not that you're in touch with your emotions but private - you're not aware of what your emotionally experiencing and that's an additional obstacle.
Hi, I'm Chris Calo
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