Struggling to get a man to commit? Wish the man you were pining for felt the same about you? I know, I know – it’s hard. Men are (allegedly) massive commitment-phobes.
And that saying that women are from Venus and men are from Mars? Yeah, it’s true. Too true. Women are enigmas to men, and men are enigmas to women.
If only you could understand exactly what makes a man tick, you’d be able to make him yours!
This is exactly what His Secret Obsession promises to do. It’s a new book written by James Bauer (not to be confused with The Obsession method by Kate Spring) that claims to uncover the real key to a man’s heart. And once you understand what it is, you’ll have no problem making him yours … forever.
But does the book work? Is it really possible to cast a spell over men?
I decided to check the book out for myself. In this His Secret Obsession review, I’m going to share with you what it’s all about, what I think of it – and whether or not it’s effective.
But first …
Why I’m Writing This Review – And Why You Should Listen
Hey, I’m Chris. If you haven’t yet noticed – I’m a man.
In other words, I’m far from His Secret Obsession’s target audience. So why am I writing this review and – more importantly – why should you listen?
Over the years, I’ve consumed a lot of content produced by relationship coaches. I’ve read, listened and watched content aimed at both sexes, and I’ve made it my mission to understand female and male psychology, while creating my own content, too.
In short, whilst I certainly don’t know everything, I like to think I know enough about the relationship coaching world to be able to judge what works, what doesn’t – and where the value is.
In other words, where you should put your money.
Meet James Bauer – The Man Behind His Secret Obsession
I’m always initially a bit skeptical of anyone who writes a relationship book and claims to know something no one else does. So I make sure to check the background of the author first.
I’ve actually come across James Bauer before. He’s a legit relationship coach with over a decade worth of experience working with both men and women. He’s helped them to overcome their relationship and personal problems so that they’re able to forge better, longer lasting connections with the opposite sex.
His Secret Obsession is his second book. It follows hot on the heels of the popular What Men Secretly Want, and aims to build on it by going deeper into what triggers a man’s desire for the woman who craves him.
Is it weird for a woman to seek relationship advice from a man? Totally not! I know of many male relationship coaches who teach women. The obvious advantage they have over female relationship coaches is that they understand the inner workings of a man’s mind more. Like all men, James knows that men live off their instincts. This is just one of the pearls of wisdom he shares in his book.
What His Secret Obsession Is About (And Who It’s For)
His Secret Obsession is a 200-page relationship book available to download as an audio book or a PDF. Right away, it empathizes with women who’ve been frustrated by their attempts to woo a man. Hands up if any of this sounds familiar to you:
You’ve spent time chatting to a guy, really getting to know them. You’ve even met up with them and they’re clearly interested. Then – puff – they disappear. It’s not happened once either; it’s happened many times
You’ve dated a guy who’s clearly into you as much as you’re into him. After a few months, you start fantasizing that you could settle down with him! Yet, no matter what, he doesn’t seem to want to commit. What gives?
You’ve dated a guy who’s very push and pull. One minute he’s hot for texting, the next he’s cold and distant. So frustrating
His Secret Obsession’s core thesis is that none of the above is your fault per say. The reason a man whom you desire frustrates you isn’t because you aren’t sexy enough. It’s more that you haven’t been able to tap into a man’s Hero Instinct … yet. And the book goes on to show you a) what The Hero Instinct is and b) How you can use it to your advantage.
As well as The Hero Instinct (which I’ll take a closer look at in a moment), the book explores other “secret” signals a man responds to when a woman gives them off. I’m not going to go into huge detail about them here, as that wouldn’t be fair on James Bauer. But here are some of the secret signals you’ll learn about in the book:
The Glimpse Phrase – According to James, this signal gives a man a ‘glimpse’ into what a future with you could look like
The Fascination Signal – James shares an innocent phrase that makes a man emotionally addicted to you
The Damsel in Distress Signal – This is the signal that taps into a guy’s protective instincts. In an instant, he will switch into “protect and serve” mode
What Is The Hero Instinct?
The Hero Instinct isn’t a new concept. James didn’t invent it. But with his book, he’s bringing it to the attention of women who have never heard of it before. And it sits right at the heart of the book.
The Hero Instinct is biological. It’s what a man is driven by at heart. It’s something he’s been saddled with after years of evolution. It’s Darwinian and – as the book asserts – cannot be changed. Thus, as the writer asserts, if you don’t tap into this Hero Instinct, you will lose the man you desire.
Here’s The Hero Instinct in a nutshell:
- A man wants his life to be meaningful
- A man wants a clear purpose in his life
- A man wants to feel like he is appreciated for all that he does
- A man wants to be the provider in a relationship – he wants to take care of you and his family
- A man wants respect
You might argue that “this isn’t how most men I know behave.”
The book gets you to question that line of thinking. Have a think about all the men you know, and then think about their core actions. What really motivates them? Is it purely and simply just sex, beer and sports? Or do they want something more out of life?
Why are men obsessed with work? It’s because they’re driven by primal urges to provide.
Most men want something more out of life than what they’ve got. They’re not commitment-phobes. The reason a man in his thirties hasn’t settled down yet is because he hasn’t met a woman he cares enough for … and who hasn’t tapped into his Hero Instinct. Once she does that, her chances increase.
His Secret Obsession, then, highlights what The Hero Instinct is, and then shows you that you need to understand a man’s need for respect, meaning and purpose if you’re to get anywhere with him.
A man wants to care for you. He doesn’t want a woman who is so independent that she doesn’t need him.
Since this is the core thesis of His Secret Obsession, it’s only fair that I share what I think of The Hero Instinct concept. I think James Bauer is right on the money. All men want to feel like heroes. It’s why we watch action and war movies and James Bond movies. We want to be the hero in our very own movie.
And if a woman can’t understand that, she’ll find it hard to sustain his attention.
Is His Secret Obsession Worth The Money? My Personal Experience
His Secret Obsession costs $56.40. For that, you get full access and the book comes with a 60-day money back guarantee.
Over an action-packed, value-stuffed 200 pages, James delivers insights and practical advice, as well as tips and tactics that even I’ve personally not come across before. Here, you’ll find truths about the male psyche, some of which won’t be new to you, but some of which will be.
My Secret Obsession does one thing very well: It introduces to women a massive insight into why a man behaves the way he does, thus allowing them to finally “get” a man who otherwise seems to up and down.
I like the fact that he keeps the advice practical. Using real-life methods, and a personal client of his called Rachel, James manages to show you exactly how the strategies in his book can be implemented effectively in real life situations. He shows you what you need to do and what you need to stop doing.
Plus, everything he discusses and teaches is based on twelve years of experience as a relationship coach.
Ultimately, I didn’t need the book. But if I were to put myself in the shoes of a woman who’s struggling to turn men into “keepers”? I’d say it’s a very useful dating book – perhaps the only one you’ll need.
Benefits of His Secret Obsession
I’ve consumed a lot of fluff that so-called relationship experts have put out. I’ve watched 30 minute videos that easily could have been condensed into 3 minutes.
At 200 pages, His Secret Obsession is lengthy but so much of it is value-driven. There are enough gold nuggets in here to justify the length, and whilst James does spend a lot of time discussing the male psyche, it’s all validated.
We need dating advice to be practical – which is exactly what His Secret Obsession is. James shows you real life scenarios where you can implement his tips so that you know exactly what to do and when.
Easy to Read
Yeah, James dives into psychology at times throughout the book. But he explains his points clearly and in such a way that it’s super easy to grasp.
Don’t like the book? The 60-day money back guarantee means you won’t lose out.
His Secret Obsession sure does deliver on the benefits front. But there are still some cons to be mindful of:
At $56.40 (which includes VAT), His Secret Obsession might seem expensive to some. Moreover, this isn’t a paperback or a hardback.
I’d counter that there’s enough value to justify the cost here, but some will definitely be put off by the price tag.
Can Feel a Tad Patronising
Ever felt like someone’s talking to you as though you’re a kid? James Bauer’s style can sometimes seem like that.
My Verdict On His Secret Obsession
Ultimately, His Secret Obsession is ideal for women who are struggling to get a guy to commit when it’s clear that there’s some attraction there. He likes you, said he likes you – but keeps holding back.
His Secret Obsession shows you exactly where you’re going wrong by highlighting – quite literally – a man’s “secret obsession.” Then, it shows you what you need to do to use it to your advantage.
It’s not rocket science, it’s not magic, but it does take a relationship coach like James Bauer to help us see the light. I loved how practical the book was, I loved how he explained male psychology, and whilst it’s quite pricey, the long-term results should be enough to justify it.