Oops. That didn’t go the way you wanted… Another night out with this amazing girl you’ve been having a hard-on for for weeks. At the height of the evening, you finally gave her a big ol’ kiss. Boy that was awkward. She withdrew. Gave you the damned friend speech. You’re back home, alone, and you wonder – what’s wrong with you? Why can’t you even touch girls when other men easily pull off sex?
Well: I bet my sweet pompous ass you never touched her on the first couple outings. And then you kiss her outta the blue? My friend, you need to learn to touch girls the right way.
What determines a sexual presence?
I’d like you to answer an important question for me – and be honest:
If you find a girl attractive, do you want to touch her?
If you answered “yes”, then ask yourself this next question:
See, the thing is, just as us guys, girls understand instinctively that physical contact is an unmistakable sign of attraction, and an indispensable part of seduction. A man who will not touch a girl will not be recognized as a sexual being!
A lot flows into your sexual presence, like the way you walk, move, the sound of your voice, your sense of humor and confidence, but even with all these in place – if you don’t act like a lover, she will not recognize you as one. And lovers touch each other. (Read how to get a girlfriend)
The right touch at the right time
I believe in letting my students figure things out for themselves, so here’s a multiple-choice test for you. What do you think is a good way to initiate touching right off the bat, and I mean, before you even talk to her?
a) Shove your hands into her shirt and look for stuff down there like the passionate lover you are
b) Tap her on the shoulder
You see, it’s so easy to establish a “touchy” vibe right away in an interaction. With small, socially perfectly acceptable gestures, you can easily establish yourself as a guy who…
1. is comfortable with his sexuality
2. is unashamed to wear his desires on his sleeve
3. will go for what he wants
Building up the touching
After the first tap on the shoulder, you can use a classic direct opener: “I noticed you because [%insert any quality you observed about her%], and I wanted to say hi. My name’s Joe.” Now you extend your hand for her to shake. That’s the next touch.
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During the conversation that follows, you can easily throw in more touches: put your hands on her shoulders or upper arms (from the side) when you make a point. Give her a high-five or fist jab when she says or does something you appreciate (“You get major points in my Cool Book for that!”).
Be fun, relaxed, upbeat, and ENJOY the situation. Then she will, too.
As your interaction with her evolves, over the next 1-2 meetings or right there (quite well possible), you can slowly intensify your physical contact: touch her knees, her hips, her hands, her neck, stroke her hair, put your hands behind her neck and kiss her… It’s a process, and both of you are meant to enjoy every step of it, all the way up to sweet, passionate, night-long sex.
Once more… with feeling
As soon as touching gets more intimate, she may push you away here and there. Remember: that doesn’t mean that you should sit in the corner with your knees pulled up rocking back and forth because you screwed it all up.
It just means that she isn’t ready for the kind of touch you initiated there yet. It’s your job, as a man, to be at the helm and drive the interaction forward. However, if she stops you, it most likely means “not yet”. Think about it… She’s stuck with you this far, she is definitely happy in your presence (unless, of course, you handcuffed her and threw her in the trunk. Then she’s probably not happy and you need therapy).
Now you can back off, listen to her, gauge the situation. All the information you need is right there, in her body language, the sound of her voice, the look on her face, her gestures and movements. Slowly, but steadily, move forward again and see what happens. Don’t stray from your path or get insecure. Just feel the flow as you run the show (good catchphrase, huh?), and you’ll be fine.
Voilà, so there we go! The correct way to touch girls. Now, remember that girls have their own needs, so they are looking for guys with balls to rock their world. (See becoming an alpha male) A solid man knows how to be confident, but he also knows how to step back, listen and feel a situation. When you get together with a girl, breathe deep and shut down those thoughts that take you away from the present moment. All that you need, and all you want, is right here and now. Enjoy that!