Building And Mastering Your Social Circle, One Step At A Time


It was pretty darn cold when we were out on that winter night, but let me tell you: when my French friend, who came to town just last September, took me aside, she told me something that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. “You know, I really need to thank you”, she said as we danced under winter skies. “When I came here, I knew nobody, but you introduced me to great people. Whenever I see my friends now, I think how you’re the reason I have them.” Moments like these are amazing. And they are just one reason to build an incredible social circle.

The importance of friends

What is it about friends that makes us feel so good, that makes us want to have them? Think about it. Is it the appreciation they give? The way they make us laugh? How they listen when we’re down? The advice and support they offer? How they unconditionally treat us as complete people? Or, as Queen sang: “When you’re in need of love, they give you care and attention”?

Tell you what, I think these are all valid answers. And they are all versions of one big answer: our friends offer us validation. (incidentally, look up the short movie “Validation” with TJ Thyne on youtube. I mean it.)

You’ve probably heard us preach at length that you should not care what other people think about you. (See Why Women Love A Man With Purpose) And I still agree with that credo: don’t obsess about other people’s appreciation, don’t make it a measure for your own self-image. You are not cool because others like you, you are cool because you like you. Read how to make her fall in love with you for more of that.

But hand on heart: we need at least a few friends to confirm we’re great the way we are. We simply can’t make it without them – we’d feel lost, inappropriate, alone and insecure. Yes, without friends, we feel there’s something wrong with us. And that’s very depressing.

The importance of being a friend

We all carry the same feelings, desires, hopes and fears. As confident as we may seem, inside, we worry whether we are cool, fun, attractive, we wonder if people will love us.

One of the greatest gifts you can give is to show you care about a person, that you understand and appreciate the way they feel. And it’s not even that hard: search your own feelings, and you will have an idea of what another person feels inside, even when the “triggers” may be different (say, your friend loves Bruce Springsteen, and you love Dream Theater – but both make you feel great in the same ways). Listening is one of the most important things you can do as a friend and as a lover.

What you can do to be a friend

I love this little quote from Gandhi’s autobiography: “‘Whatever a man sows, that shall he reap.’ The law of Karma is inexorable and impossible of evasion. There is thus hardly any need for God to interfere. He laid down the law and, as it were, retired.” Read it again: “You reap what you’ve sown”, the man says – and all lies in YOUR hands.

Now, isn’t it validation you want to reap?

Every day, the power to give others this reassurance, this validation, lies in your hands. This is where you can start building your own circle of friends: people that you make feel great about themselves. Realize how this is no longer about “getting”? It’s “giving” that you should be after.

Only when you detach yourself from the idea of “getting” anything from it, though, will you also build a radiant confidence: he who gives validation only because he craves it in return will be creepy. He who gives validation because it feels awesome to see other people smile will be loved.

The importance of your social network for seduction

Now, this is where this all leads to. See, the more friends you get with your positive, genuine attitude, the more you will appreciate yourself. I mean, you are radiant, fun and make people feel great – how can you not love that guy?

From positive seeds spring positive results: you get your friends’ care and attention, you develop great confidence… And as Uncle Ben in Spider Man almost said: with great confidence come great chicks.

Ahhhh, you were wondering when I’d get to that point, huh? Well, imagine being in a bar with the group of friends that YOU built. Imagine the sweet girls in that group. Imagine one coming up to you and thanking you for making her life better and introducing her to great people.

Now imagine the hot girl within earshot.

Remember what I said above? “Without friends, we feel there’s something wrong with us.” Guess what, others will feel the same. But WITH friends, we – and any stranger around us – will feel that there’s a LOT that’s RIGHT with us. Male or female, we all share the same set of desires. One of them is validation. That’s why social circles are so important for seduction! Your friends are a live demo of how you can make people feel good about themselves! Now go and make girls feel they’re great AND sexy… And you’re well on your way to their hearts and panties.