Let’s be real: guys generally have no idea how to start conversations with women.
Either we come on way too strong, or we’re so nervous that we talk ourselves out of it entirely. But it’s really not as difficult or as scary as we tend to think; in fact, once you get the hang of it, it’s pretty easy.
Why Do We Avoid Talking To Strangers?
If your childhood was anything like mine, talking to strangers was a big no-no. (So was fire — I was a little bit of a pyromaniac. Long story, don’t worry about it, I’m fine now.) In fact, 15 million people suffer from social anxiety disorder [R], and who knows how many millions more avoid talking to someone new?
There’s also the fear of rejection. Add those two together, and it’s obvious why so many people avoid approaching women. But learning how to start a conversation is a valuable skill that will serve you well, in dating and in life.
Here’s how to do it.
Get Comfortable Initiating Conversations
None of the advice I’m about to give you will be worth anything unless you’re comfortable making the approach. Here’s how to increase your comfort level.
Work On Small Talk
Even if you hate small talk, there’s value in knowing how to do it, not just with pretty women, but with everybody. In fact, learning how to talk to strangers to whom you’re not attracted is a good way to start — you don’t have to worry about saying the perfect thing, and you can focus on enjoying the conversation.
Start small: make eye contact with people you see on the street, and if they return the eye contact, give them a nod and a smile. Then, work your way up — have a chat with somebody in line at the store, walking their dog, wherever.
Make A Commitment
The only way to get better at the art of conversation is by doing it regularly. So make a commitment to talk to at least one stranger a day. It doesn’t have to be a deep conversation; you just need to get over what’s called “approach anxiety.” [R]
“To better the art of conversation is to practice it regularly”
With time, you’ll learn how to have a truly casual, light conversation with a stranger, so when you do approach a beautiful woman, it will be natural and relaxed. (Unless, of course, you do what I do and start every conversation with “HELLO MISS, I AM GOING TO START HITTING ON YOU NOW. COMMENCING ROMANCE IN 3…2…1…”)
Read Her Body Language
The biggest mistake a lot of guys make is ignoring a woman’s body language before they approach. [R] Women hate when guys ignore the signs that she’s not in the mood for a chat. [R]
A conversation is a two-way street; you want to talk to her, not at her. Before you approach, ask yourself: Does she look busy? In a hurry? Are her headphones in (another big indicator)? If the answer to any of these is “Yes,” feel free to offer her a polite compliment (“You look very nice today”), but no more. If she’s interested, she’ll respond; if she’s not, respect it and move on.
Pick Your Spots
Most guys think the best place to start a conversation is at a bar or a club — there’s alcohol there, which can help with nerves, and if a woman is out socializing, she’s probably going to be more, you know, social in that setting, right?
[cue “Family Feud” buzzer]
Women don’t go to bars solely to meet guys; in fact, many women aren’t interested in talking to a guy at a bar or a club because it’s difficult to have an actual conversation there. And do you really want to be shouting “SO ANYWAY, THAT’S HOW MY DOG DIED! CAR HIT HIM!” over the din of your average bar?
Aim For Unexpected Places
The best places to meet and talk to women are places where they aren’t expecting to be approached. (Public places, that is — don’t lurk in dark alleys waiting to pop out and introduce yourself.)
These are some great options:
- Grocery store
- Coffee shop/café
- On the street
- A concert
- A park
- Her parents’ house (kidding!)
That said, there are some instances where “unexpected” might mean “unwelcome.”
Any Enclosed Space
We’ve all seen the movies where a guy and girl lock eyes on a crowded subway car or chat in an elevator, and by the time they get off, they’re practically married. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but…movies aren’t real.
If she’s on a subway or an elevator, odds are pretty good she’s, y’know, going somewhere — she might not be interested in dropping everything to talk to you.
More importantly, the enclosed space might make her uncomfortable — you could be a stalker, and she has nowhere to go if it turns out you are. As a general rule, it’s best to avoid this one unless she initiates the conversation or otherwise gives you a clear sign she’s interested.
While She’s Doing Something
You’re in a café and you see a beautiful woman reading a book — instant conversation-starter, right? Yep, and an instant conversation-ender if you go over there and say “How’s the book?” or “I love Nabokov!” Why? Because she’s doing something, and you’re interrupting her.
If you see a woman reading your favorite book and you just have to introduce yourself, go for it…just not while she’s reading it. Wait until she closes the book and is getting ready to leave before you approach her.
Women receive a lot of unsolicited attention, and the underlying message is “I don’t care what you’re doing, I’m the center of the universe and you have to pay attention to me now.” Don’t be like those guys; instead, use the AASK method. (Pretty cool acronym, right? Just made it up.)
- Approach her & get her attention (verbally — no touching)
- Acknowledge that you’re intruding on her day
- State your case — why are you there?
- Know when to leave — read her body language so you don’t overstay your welcome.
In practice, the AASK method should look something like this:
“Excuse me (Approach), I hope I’m not bothering you (Acknowledge), but I noticed that you’re reading one of my favorite books. It’s so rare to find another [author name] fan that I just had to say hi (State).”
Find Common Interests
You can also try meeting new people through a common interest. For example, you can join a club on MeetUp [R] or, if you’re an active type, join an adult rec league team. Common interests means you’ll have more ways to start conversations; plus, since there’s an activity going on, it’ll be easier to have a relaxed, natural conversation with a new person.
Striking up conversations with strangers doesn’t come easily at first, but trust me, it’s worth the time and effort. Once you get comfortable with it, you’ll open up entirely new avenues of meeting women, and when that happens, just remember my advice. You’ll be surprised by how naturally the conversation flows.
However, there will come a time and place when you’ll want to move on to the next level and ask her out. If you want to speed up this process then the guys over at Attract Women show you how. Find out more on the 3 secret ‘tricks‘ guys use to cast a spell over women by going here
Resources & References
Still intimidated by the idea of talking to women you’ve never met? Then why not take a look at our sources?
- Starting a conversation is the beginning of any potential relationship, but be sure to stay in tune with your instincts while getting to know her as recommended by The Social Man on this article
- 8 facts about anxiety and anxiety disorders – Elements Behavioral Health by Sean P. Egen
- How to deal with approach anxiety – Psychology Today by Wayne Elise
- Interesting insights by Tripp Advice on how to start a conversation with a girl you’re into (while still being your genuine self)
- Reading basic body language for dating and persuasion success – Psychology Today by Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D.
- alpha m. give us insight on the importance of small talk for conversational starters
- Dear men: This is how you should be approaching a woman on the street – EverydayFeminism by Melissa A. Fabello
- Meetup – A club where people with common interests meet up
1. What are some conversation starters that you recommend?
There are many conversation starters that can be used in different situations. Here are some examples:
-How are you today?
-What have you been up to?
-What are your plans for the weekend?
-How was your weekend?
-What did you do yesterday?
-What’s been going on?
-What’s going on?
-What’s the latest?
2. What are some topics of conversation that you think are important to discuss with a woman?
There are many topics of conversation that are important to discuss with a woman, but here are five that we think are especially important:
1. Her hopes and dreams. What does she want to achieve in life? What makes her happy? Learning about her aspirations will help you better understand her and can also provide insight into how you can support her.
2. Her thoughts on relationships and dating. What does she want in a partner? What are her dealbreakers?
3. How do you think a conversation should flow?
A conversation should flow in a natural, organic way. The conversation should eb and flow, with each person taking turns speaking and listening. There should be a give and take, with each person contributing to the conversation. The conversation should be fluid, with each person building on what the other person has said.
4. What are some things you should avoid saying when talking to a woman?
In general, avoid making any comments about a woman’s appearance, whether they are positive or negative. It is also important to avoid making any comments that could be interpreted as sexual in nature, or that objectify women in any way. Additionally, avoid making any comments that could be seen as demeaning, condescending, or otherwise disrespectful.
5. How can you tell if someone is interested in you?
There are some telltale signs that she may be interested. If she frequently makes eye contact with you, smiles at you, or touches you in a friendly way, she may be interested in you. If she also talks to you more than she does to other people, or if she always seems happy to see you, these are also good indications that she may be interested in you.
6. What are some body language cues to look for ?
When talking to a woman, some body language cues to look for include:
-her posture. Is she standing or sitting up straight? Or is she slouching?
-her eye contact. Is she making eye contact with you? Or is she looking around the room?
-her facial expressions. Is she smiling? Or does she have a neutral or blank expression?
-her hand gestures. Is she gesturing while she talks?
7. What are some ways to keep a conversation going?
Assuming you would like tips for keeping a conversation going:
-Acknowledge the other person and make eye contact when they are speaking
-Try to ask open-ended questions
-Be genuinely interested in what the other person has to say and avoid talking about yourself too much
-Encourage the other person to keep talking by giving them affirming body language cues such as nodding or smiling
8. What are some ways to end a conversation?
There are many ways to end a conversation. Some people may say goodbye, while others may say something like “it was nice talking to you” or “I have to go now.” Some people may also give a hug or handshake.
9. What are some things to keep in mind when talking to a woman online?
When talking to a woman online, it is important to remember to be respectful and courteous at all times. This means refraining from using offensive language, making personal attacks or engaging in any other behavior that could be considered rude or inappropriate. It is also important to be aware of the potential for online predators and to take steps to protect yourself from them. When communicating with a woman online, always use a reputable dating site or social networking site that offers some level of protection against predators.
10. What are some things to keep in mind when talking to a woman in person?
When you are talking to a woman in person, it is important to be respectful and attentive. Make sure to maintain eye contact, and avoid interrupting her while she is speaking. Be aware of your body language, and try to keep an open and relaxed posture. Be genuine in your conversation, and avoid making any offensive or sexist remarks. If you are unsure about what to say, simply ask her questions about herself and her interests.
11. How can I start a conversation with a woman I don’t know?
The best way to start a conversation with a woman you don’t know is to simply introduce yourself and ask her how she’s doing. From there, you can ask her about her day, her hobbies, or anything else that may come up. If you’re struggling to think of things to say, you can always ask her opinion on something or tell her a funny story. The important thing is to just be yourself and keep the conversation flowing.
12. How can I keep a conversation going?
It depends on the situation, the woman, and your own personality. However, here are some general tips that may help you keep a conversation going with a woman:
– Be interested in what she has to say. Ask follow-up questions and show that you are engaged in the conversation.
– Find common ground.
13. How can I tell if someone is interested in me?
There are some signs that may indicate that she is interested. If she is making eye contact with you, smiling at you, and/or talking to you more than other people in the room, these are all good signs that she may be interested in you. Additionally, if she is touching you or standing close to you, these are also indications that she is interested.
14. How can I flirt with a woman?
Everyone flirts differently and what may work for one person may not work for another. However, here are some general tips on how to flirt with a woman:
– Smile at her and make eye contact: This is a non-verbal way of showing interest and letting her know that you find her attractive.
– Compliment her: Women love compliments! Compliment her on her outfit, her hair, her smile, etc.
15. Who do you enjoy talking to women?
I enjoy talking to women who are intelligent, articulate, and have something interesting to say. I also enjoy talking to women who are funny, and can make me laugh. I enjoy talking to women who are confident and comfortable in their own skin. I enjoy talking to women who are kind and compassionate, and who care about others. I enjoy talking to women who are strong and independent, and who know what they want out of life.
16. Who are you most comfortable talking to women?
I’m most comfortable talking to women who are down-to-earth, confident, and intelligent. I like women who can hold their own in a conversation and aren’t afraid to speak their minds. I find that I can relate to these kinds of women better than those who are more high-maintenance or who play games. I also appreciate women who are independent and have their own lives outside of our relationship.
17. Who do you feel most attracted to women?
Everyone experiences different levels of attraction to different types of women. However, some people may feel most attracted to women who are physically appealing, while others may be more drawn to women who are intelligent and successful. Additionally, some people may feel attracted to women who share similar interests and hobbies, while others may find women who are completely different from them to be the most intriguing.
18. Who do you find most interesting to talk to women?
Everyone is unique and therefore some people may find certain women more interesting to talk to than others. However, in general, many people find women who are confident, articulate, and have a strong sense of self to be the most interesting to talk to.
19. What are some ways to start talking with women?
The best way to start a conversation with a woman will vary depending on the situation and the people involved. However, some tips on how to start a conversation with a woman might include:
– Compliment her on something that you notice about her, whether it be her outfit, her hair, or her general appearance.
– Ask her about her day or how she is doing.
20. What are some things you should avoid saying when starting a conversation?
1. Avoid making any comments about her appearance. This includes compliments or criticisms.
2. Avoid asking personal questions or making personal comments about her life.
3. Avoid talking about controversial topics or making any comments that could be construed as offensive.
4. Avoid talking about yourself too much. Women want to feel like they are the center of attention, not an afterthought.
5. Avoid using any pickup lines or cheesy one-liners.
21. What are some common conversation starters that tend to work well?
There are many conversation starters that tend to work well with women, but it really depends on the woman you are talking to and the situation you are in. If you are in a bar, for example, common conversation starters might be asking her what she is drinking, how her night is going, or what she does for a living.
22. Where are some good places to start conversations?
Here are a few general tips that might help:
– First and foremost, be confident. Women are attracted to confident men who know what they want and aren’t afraid to go after it.
– Secondly, be interesting. Women like men who are interesting and have something to say.
23. Where do most women like to be approached?
Some general tips that may help include approaching women in places where they feel comfortable and safe, such as in a coffee shop or bookstore, or during the day time. It is also important to be respectful and not to invade her personal space, as this will likely make her feel uncomfortable.
24. Where do you tend to find the most attractive people?
Everyone has different preferences when it comes to physical appearance. However, there are certain places where you are more likely to find women who fit traditional standards of beauty. For example, fashion shows and modeling events are typically populated by women with slender figures and striking features. Similarly, many beauty pageants also feature women with traditionally attractive features.
Women what's the best way for guys to start a conversation with you?
Have something worthwhile to say.
Do NOT be like "wow nice hair" or "is heaven missing an angel" or whatever.
Be like "this song on the radio, I heard it done metal once"
Or be like "I just started watching this show on Netflix and I can't get it out of my head"
Or even "did you know blackberries aren't even berries. They're phones. Haha that was a dumb one, but they aren't berries, they're a type of fruit called a drupe same as grapes"
Something - ANYTHING - beyond the "generic thinly veiled desire to fuck statement"
How can guys introduce themselves to start a great conversation with women?
"hi, i'm [your name]"
Women what do you want us to start a conversation with?
Say hi and ask about something in my bio or pics is my favorite opener.
What is the best way to start a conversation with women?
Just... talk? Say something? If you have something you want to talk about, just bring it up. If you don't, then just carry on with what you were doing.