Just a couple of years ago, I was completely unable to understand when a woman liked me. I remember being at a photographer’s convention: I chatted with this cute photographer, but when I felt it didn’t lead anywhere, I went back to the bar. A friend came up and asked me: “So, did you get that girl’s number?” I answered: “No, she wasn’t interested. Didn’t even smile at me.” My friend was dumbfounded: “Are you dense?! She was completely into you!” I had no idea. Do you know how to tell if a girl likes you? I do now, and I’d like to share it so you don’t have to bomb like I did back then.
Fortunately, there are some surefire signs that a girl is interested in you; you just need to know where to look.
But before we cover the telltale signs that show she’s into you, there are a few things that we need to remember first.
Why You Can’t Just Ask
So why can’t you just ask? Well, she might not know yet; it’s possible that all she knows is that she’s not not interested in you. (Hey, nobody said this was easy.) Fishing for confirmation by asking questions of whether or not a girl likes you comes off as unattractive and demonstrates a lack of confidence… remember you are trying to impress her.
“asking if she’s interested in you isn’t being direct — it’s seeking validation”
The direct approach might seem like a good idea, but asking if she’s interested in you isn’t being direct — it’s seeking validation. You’re telling her that you’re not confident that she does like you…which means she’ll start looking for a reason not to. And just like that, you’ve conjured a massive roadblock out of thin air like a lovelorn Harry Houdini.
If you’re having a conversation with someone to whom you’re not attracted, you don’t think about how the conversation is going or how they feel about you. You probably don’t consider whether or not they like you; you just assume they do. Why shouldn’t they? The same thing applies to girls — if you assume they like you, they probably will.
Subtle Signs She Likes You
Be aware. This is as general as it gets, and still, it’s incredibly important. If all you focus on is what’s going on inside your head, or your own feelings and reactions when you interact with a girl, then you will never develop a reliable “feel” for the situation, and the beautiful human being you have in front of you.
So, become a good observer. Watch her facial expressions, her movements, her body language, her eyes. Where is she looking? Does she touch you? What does her voice sound like?
To practice this, try being watchful and present every day. Our mind wanders around in the future and the past all the time if we let it. Open your eyes to the world around you: people in the streets, squirrels in the trees, birds flying, the architecture of your city, take it all in. If you want to, let it inspire you to write about it. Even if it’s just a post on your facebook wall. You will notice how mindfulness grows inside you over time.
So now that you are aware of this, let’s look at the 12 signs that shows a girl likes you?
Looking At You (And Then Looking Away)
You’re out somewhere and you catch a girl looking at you, but as soon as you look in her direction, she looks away. Sure, it could be a coincidence, but more than likely she’s doing it on purpose.
If she’s looking at you long enough for you to return the look and catch eyes with her, she’s interested. And if you’re already interacting with her, a good way to gauge her interest during the conversation is to see if she maintains solid eye contact.
If she’s not that much into you or might be uncomfortable, her eyes will wander off to what’s happening around the room. She may even be trying to catch a friend’s eye to give her the “save me” look. So when another girl comes in to take her away, that’s hardly ever a random occurrence. It’s just an elegant way women have to eject from an unpleasant situation without being bitches about it. Deal with it.
However, if they’re locked in on you, she’s definitely into you!
Revealing If Eye Contact Is Intentional
If you’re not sure if that glance was coincidental or intentional, try this trick. Give it about 30 seconds or so, then fake a big yawn. Wait about 3 or 4 seconds, then look over at her again; if she’s yawning, it means she was looking at you again while you did it — yawns are contagious. [R]
And voilà, it’s confirmed: she was looking at you because she’s into you and finds you cute.
Laughing At Your Jokes…Even The Bad Ones
There’s good news and bad news. The bad news is, you may not be not as funny as you think. If you need to get a glass of water or take a long walk to contemplate the meaning of life, I understand.
The good news is, she likes you! If a girl goes out of her way to laugh at your (probably terrible) jokes, it’s a sure sign that she’s into you. Laughing is her way of demonstrating her interest in you, and it has the added benefit of putting you both more at ease. [R]
So if your terrible puns or corny dad jokes are getting her to laugh like the ghost of Richard Pryor just floated through the window, it’s a very encouraging sign indeed.
There’s Physical Contact
Picture a blobfish, or Google it if you aren’t sure what a blobfish is. Would you ever want to gently caress a blobfish? No, right? (I hope the answer is “no,” or we’ve got much bigger problems.)
They’re disgusting. As a general rule, we don’t touch things that we find repulsive — including other human beings.
If a girl’s going out of her way to make physical contact with you, she’s signaling her interest and, in most cases, implicitly expressing a desire for you to reciprocate that physical contact. Of course, it should be noted that the touching needs to be non-incidental, like lightly touching your arm. If a girl brushes past you on her way to the bathroom, don’t take that as a sign that she’s into you and follow her in there. It will not end well.
Easy, soldier. Need another glass of water?
When I say “touching herself,” I mean “preening.” This could be playing with or adjusting her hair or smoothing out her dress; if the action indicates that she’s trying to make herself look better for you, she’s sending you a clear subconscious signal that she’s interested. [R]
She plays with her hair
This is an unconscious thing a girl (with long enough hair, so this doesn’t work with Annie Lennox types) will do when she’s absorbed and captivated. It’s a surefire sign of attention. I mean it.
Always Being Present
If a girl is into you, she’ll want to spend as much time around you as possible — especially if she doesn’t think you realize yet that she’s attracted to you. (Of course, it’s also possible that she’s secretly a serial killer and you’re her next quarry, so, you know, just keep that in mind.)
The thinking here is that the more you become aware of her when she is around, the more you’ll be reminded of her when she’s not. Eventually, you’ll find yourself thinking of her totally unprompted. And it totally works; in fact, in psychology circles, it’s known as the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. [R]
Did you know blushing is one of the signs of attraction, and that it’s the body’s way of mimicking the effect of an orgasm as a signal to a potential mate? [R] Well, you do now. If she’s blushing, there’s a high likelihood she’s attracted to you. Unless, of course, you’ve just done something incredibly embarrassing; in that case, she’s probably blushing for all the wrong reasons.
An interesting statistic – on average, men and women blink at a rate of roughly 6-10 times per minute. Studies have shown that blinking more than average can be a sign of attraction. [R]
Of course, this one can be trickier to figure out. Some people might blink less frequently, so their increased blinking might still be within the normal range. And other people might blink more frequently, so what you think is increased or frequent blinking is really just their normal behavior. If possible, try and observe her while she’s talking to a platonic friend; that can help give you a baseline of how often she normally blinks.
Open Body Language & Nonverbal Cues
Finally, if you really want to know if a girl is into you, just take a look at her body. (Okay, now look away before you make it weird.) Are her head, torso and feet all facing you? If so, then she’s definitely interested. [R] If one or two of the three aren’t facing you, she’s not fully engaged; if all three aren’t facing you, you’re talking to her back. You can stop now.
To be sure, reading body language does take some practice, but if you can master it, you can know for sure whether or not that girl is into you.
These seemingly minor body movements can be laden with important information. So start by taking notes of what she is doing and keep in mind that there might be more there than you realize.
Look for one of these common cues to tell exactly how likely it is that you’re going to be able to seal the deal.
- Licking Her Lips: She’s directing your attention to her mouth. She’s probably into you.
- Flicking Her Hair: She’s trying to get you to notice her. She’s interested.
- Standing Close To You: She’s trying to be near you in hopes of an accidental touch.
- Eye Contact: A lot can be done with the eyes. If she’s engaging in eye play, she’s inviting you to come say hello.
So the next time you are chatting to a girl and one of these things happens, consider it a green light. This is a woman’s way of inviting you to make a move. They are encouraging and suggesting without just coming out and saying it. If you know what to look for, you will get better and better at reading body language.
She Asks Questions About You
Why would she want to know more about you if she wasn’t interested? Listen and watch how she poses her questions: if it’s with her eyes wide open, glance fixed on you, with a smile, upbeat intonation, well then she likes you. If it’s a monotonous “yeah, so what do you do?” – sorry buddy, she’s just being polite.
Don’t tell her your life story as soon as she “gives you the chance”. You can respond to her questions in creative ways, for instance:
- Answer something funny (“I’m a deep water synchronized swimmer and I do choreographed shows with fish”)
- Refuse to answer (“That’s my secret”, “I could tell you, but then people in black suits would have to come to erase your memory”)
- Tell her she’s nosey, but you like it.
- Ask her if she’s trying to hit on you (this is for the more advanced, toy with it if you dare)
- Only give her a tiny little bit of information and move on
You Have A Lot Of The Same Interests
If you are talking to a girl and she is expressing genuine interest in what you’re saying, she’s into you. Here’s a confession from a member of the female species:
“We are not above pretending to be into things that we are not. If you find that the girl you are talking to is a fan of all the same sports teams (or, sports in general), also loves Lord of the Rings and reveals that a juicy ribeye steak is also her favorite meal, she probably digs you.”
I’m not going to suggest that women are lying, but rather, embellishing the truth. If a woman is into a guy, she wants to appear compatible. She wants him to see that they share interests, hobbies, and tastes. This is all demonstrated in hopes of getting him to ask her out.
Her Friends Are Involved.
The thing about women is that they don’t do anything alone. They can’t even go to the bathroom or pick out an outfit without the assistance of their most trusted friends. Is it realistic to think that they would be fishing for a man without the help of our entourage?
The answer is no.
So, keep your eyes open for the famous “friend assist.” If a girl’s friends are chatting you up and continue to bring her up in the conversation, she’s totally interested in you. Sending in the friend is a multifaceted move that serves several purposes of the utmost importance. The first is to give her friends a chance to interact with you and determine whether or not you pass the test. If they determine that you are good enough for their bestie, then their next move is to tell you how great she is without seeming too obvious.
For example, if a friend makes a comment like “Isn’t Jess hot? She’s so hot.” Jess is into you. Beware: Do not, under any circumstance, misinterpret this move as the friend hitting on you and proceed to flirt with her. If you do this, you have just failed the ultimate test and are no longer going to be considered “worthy” by any member of this group of girls.
She’s Hot & Cold
The ultimate goal for a woman is to seem attainable but not easy. Trying to attract the attention of a man is a balancing act of maintaining the perfect combination of these two qualities. If a girl seems totally into you one day and then uninterested the next day, do not be discouraged; she is probably just playing hard to get. Women know that men like a bit of a challenge.
The seemingly uninterested act is merely an attempt at making you want them that much more. So, the next time a girl pretends not to notice you after texting you nonstop the week before, call her bluff and charm on.
She’s Still Standing There
Seriously. If she’s still there, she’s still interested in you. Ever occur to you? No? Well, here you go, then. Your bill will be in the mail.
Keep this info, use it for yourself and share it with others. How to tell if a girl likes you makes it so much easier to interact with her. However, a word of warning. Don’t fall into the trap of constantly trying to figure out if she likes you or not! That’s called seeking validation and it will do you more harm than good. Instead, when you pick up on a sign that she likes you, make a note of it and continue having fun. Noticing these little signs will help give you the confidence to escalate the interaction or avoid a surefire disaster!
Making The Final Move
The last step is making a move.
Do not be shy, show confidence in that it is clear to you she is interested. And show her that you too are interested. Being timid and fidgety at this crucial moment will make for an awkward situation. If you do not go for the kill, then do not expect her to finish off what you tried to start.
If you blew your chances with one girl, then there will be other dates and opportunities.
You just need to fine tune your senses and lookout for these surefire signs:
- Looking at you (And then looking away)
- Genuinely smiles and laughs at your jokes
- Goes out her way to touch you
- Preens to make herself look more enticing for you
- Blushes (perhaps during moments of flirting)
- Blinks more than average
- Positions her body to face you
Remember, practice makes perfect and being successful in your approach has nothing to do with random luck. However, establishing she likes you and making a move is only the first step.
If you want to take it to the next level and have her completely addicted to you, then the guys over at Attract Women demonstrate how by applying ‘bad boy’ tricks. Check out how to knock over that pedestal women so often put themselves on by clicking here.
Resources & References
Still not sure if that girl likes you? Take a look at our sources.
- Why yawning is so contagious? – Psychology Today by Christopher Bergland
- What’s the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon? – How Stuff Works (Science) by Kate Kershner
- The body language of attraction and love by Mindvalley Academy Blog
- Eye Reading (Body Language) by Psychologist World
- Body language examples: What is her body saying? by Art of Charm
How to tell if a girl likes you?
Hard to say, they’re kind of subtle. Brushing your elbow, reaching across you, ripping their clothes screaming how they want you inside of them. Just weird little things y’know
How to tell if a girl likes you or not?
If she's talking to you then it's a good sign she likes you. Don't try to figure out if she likes you and instead focus on being an attractive man.
How to tell if a girl is being polite or actually likes you?
Yeah rule of thumb is 2 cancels and its up to her to reach out BUT every relationship is unique, therefore in this case (from your post I think you've gone on 6-9 dates?) you could try 1 more time. But I'd honestly move on. No sense in getting bogged down with someone who cancels 20 minutes before a date.