Do you think you’re bad in bed? Are you worried your girlfriend or wife will leave you for another guy because you can’t last long in bed? And do you want to know how to last longer in bed, just so she won’t break up with you?
It’s one of the oldest, deepest male fears – being found out that you’re inadequate in the bedroom, where it counts the most. Fear not – this article will reveal the actual likelihood of your girl leaving you because of sexual dissatisfaction… and what you can do to make her the happiest girl in the world.
First things first:
Will She Really Break Up With You?
Answer: Don’t freak out. Your girlfriend/wife probably will NOT break up with you, even if you don’t last very long in bed. While sexual satisfaction is important for her, it’s not the ONLY important thing in her relationship with you… and as long as you’re meeting her other needs reasonably well, she won’t leave you. [R]
Your girl will likely only leave you for serious reasons, such as:
#1: When You’re Selfish and Only Care About Yourself.
This is when you carry a “me first” attitude into your relationship with your girl, where you’re supposed to be supporting and looking out for each other. This attitude tends to carry over to your sex life: You focus on your own sexual needs first, and hers last (if at all).
“Attitudes tend to carry over to your sex life, which includes being self-centered”
So if you’re a self-centered guy and proud of it, then your girlfriend is much more likely to leave you for that instead of your lack of sex skills. Since she’s in a committed relationship with you, she’ll expect you to meet her emotional needs as well… and if you can’t do that, she’ll find a guy who will.
#2: When You’re Abusive.
This is beyond being selfish or neglectful – this is when you become a douchebag and abuse her, physically or emotionally. There’s absolutely no place for abuse in a committed relationship, and while it goes for her too, it goes double on you, being the bigger and stronger one.
If you’re abusive and defend yourself for being so, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship, bro. You may need to get a few issues in your life out of the way first before you accept the responsibilities of making a girl happy for the long-term.
#3: When You’re Really, REALLY Bad in Bed.
Okay – while you can get away with being decent on the bed, you CAN’T get away with being REALLY bad in bed… to the point that you can’t satisfy her enough. If you can’t meet her sexual needs, you can bet she’ll be on the lookout for a guy who can.
So just in case, you’ll want your girlfriend to avoid slipping too far into “unhappy” and “unsatisfied” territory. Here’s how to do just that.
Taking a New Mindset Into the Bedroom
First of all, you’ll need to change your mindset about sex with your girl. Don’t worry too much about “pleasing her” or “giving her x number of orgasms” or “lasting long enough.”
Instead, focus on the things that REALLY matter to her:
- You putting in the effort
- Showing her that you really care about her and her needs
- Both of you enjoying each other immensely, even for just a few moments
In other words: Focus less on your performance, and focus more on just having a great time with each other. That’s what matters most – if she consistently enjoys romping in the sheets with you, and if you meet her emotional needs as well, she won’t leave you.
But if you REALLY want to last longer in bed, and if you REALLY want to give your girl a better time in bed… then let’s get into that, too.
How to Last Longer and Please Her Better
The first thing you’ll need to do is to stop watching porn. Seriously. Lots of guys make the mistake of aiming to be like the guys in all the porn videos they watch – impressive and long-lasting.
Don’t make that mistake – don’t aim to have sex like a pornstar. They’re actors, they’re faking everything, and they’re following a script. Making porn your “baseline” makes you set unrealistic expectations for yourself… and as a result you’ll keep thinking you’re lame, inadequate, or unattractive.
Studies have shown that men who watch porn tend to suffer from lower self-esteem – and that can actually HURT your willingness and ability to make your girl happy. Not good! [R]
Instead of learning how to please your woman by watching porn, learn from the masters: The Kama Sutra, Casanova, Don Juan de Marco, and so on.
Practice Makes Perfect
The second step is to practice. This is one of the methods that you can use that is completely natural so you can last longer without pills.
You should pleasure your girl as often as is practically possible for you both – up to 2-3 times a week or more, if you can – and bring your new mindset of “less about performance, more about enjoyment” into the bedroom with you.
“Think less about performance & more about enjoyment”
You get a TON of benefits from having as much sex as you can, including:
- You’ll start lasting longer in bed
- You’ll please her more easily
- You’ll learn to push her to orgasm – over and over – at will
- You’ll have more fun and excitement
- You’ll be happier & healthier
- You’ll build the kind of strength and confidence your girl will need from you
- You’ll have a full workout / exercise session
- You’ll experiment with new techniques / positions as you get to know her body better
And – of course – she’ll be much less likely to leave you for another man. She’s so happy and satisfied with you that she’ll think she’d be crazy to throw it all away.
Did you know? According to Larry P. Gassner, M.D., performance anxiety is by far the most usual cause for premature ejaculation (PE). Practising sex increases familiarity and comfort with each other that in turn reduces performance anxiety, mental distractions and erectile issues… all without the need of medical treatment.
Now, just in case you have certain insecurities about your body… and it’s affecting the sex in your relationship in a negative way… then here’s something you’ll like to hear:
Don’t Worry About the “Little Things”
Some guys are worried about the “little things,” like:
- Having a small penis
- Not being muscular or attractive enough
- Not being circumcised
If that sounds like you, then don’t worry about it as this may result in performance anxiety and a far more embarrassing situation than what was originally worrying you. [R]
Again, what matters more for your girlfriend/wife is the enjoyable experience you give her. As long as you please her both physically and emotionally, she won’t have a reason to leave you, and she won’t go looking for one.
Now for the singles: I have some advice for you, too…
Advice for the Singles
What if you’re single, and you can’t get as much practice in bed as guys in relationships do?
Don’t worry – you still have options, and lots of them. To get more practice with sex, do the following:
- Work on making yourself more attractive – dress well, groom well, practice sexy body language, etc… you sooner you take these steps the better.
- Keep approaching and meeting women you’re attracted to. Don’t try to seduce them – just check if they’re as interesting as they are attractive.
- If they are, suggest hanging out sometime, and get their numbers. If they’re not, thank them for their time and move on.
- Set up dates with the girls who give you their number, and go have a flirty date.
- During your dates, keep moving the interaction towards more sexual, “secret liaison” grounds… just to see which of the girls are thinking the exact same thing as you are
- If she’s into you, invite her to your place, swiftly take her there, and kiss her within 10 minutes of locking the door behind you
- Let the sex happen naturally. Take your time, slow down and enjoy
Just take note: If you’re not ready for a serious relationship just yet, then don’t give her emotional support – don’t listen to her problems, don’t give her advice, etc. Instead, just flirt and focus on having a good time. If she digs you, then she’ll have sex with you. It’s that simple.
It is time to go ahead and start pleasing the girl(s) in your life!
Now for a little secret that can be used for both singles and those in a relationship. The guys over at Desire System explain how a simple yawn can be the answer to solving your love life. Go check out their “love yawn” here.
Resources & References
Want to learn more about lasting longer in bed? Here are some of the sources that we used to write the article (And a few videos we found useful)
- The guys over at Gothamclub uncover 3 mistakes most men make in bed. Hint: most of us are guilty of #2 (contains some explicit content)
- Sexual infidelity among married and cohabiting Americans – Journal of marriage and family by Judith Treas & Dirdre Giesen
- An interesting take on how long the average man lasts in bed by Tech Insider
- Pornography and the male sexual script – An analysis of consumption and sexual relations by Chyng Sun, Ana Bridges, Jennifer A. Johnson, & Matthew B. Ezzell
- GirlChat talkshow on how long women think sex should last by The Real Daytime
Does size matter? Men’s and women’s views on penis size across the lifespan. Psychology of Men & Masculinity.