When you hear the word “flirt”, what do you think? If you look it up on everybody’s favorite online encyclopedia, you get this: “Flirting is a form of human interaction between two people, expressing a romantic and/or sexual interest. It can consist of conversation, body language, or brief physical contact.”

Now, do you think this first line will help you learn how to flirt with a woman? Naturally, you may be reluctant to “express a romantic and/or sexual interest” in a woman just like that: what if you come off as weird, she gets annoyed, defensive, what if she flat-out rejects you? That would make flirting a quite unpleasant experience. On the other hand, if you really understand how to do it, you can make any flirt what it’s meant to be: a light, fun interaction with a breezy sexual vibe and sweet validation.

When I hear the word “flirt”, I think of witty, smiley banter, laughing, good feelings, slight sexual tension, and most importantly: no particular outcome. It may be a fun prelude to casual sex, a steady relationship or simply nothing at all – none of these things make or break a good flirt. The only two ingredients it needs are “good” and “flirt”. It is what it is! Here’s how you do it:

how to flirt

Feel sexy and make her feel the same.

Assume attraction. You know that you are sexy, and no matter if she’s “taken”, lesbian, a happy single, she likes to feel desirable. You’re in a position to give her that feeling. You can open up the interaction with a line as simple as this: “Hi. What’s your name?” You can also establish a mystery: “You’re drinking green tea, right? That tells me a lot about your personality.” Then don’t tell her what it is. Right before approaching, you can start humming or softly singing to yourself, it bridges the gap between not speaking and speaking – you’re already in “talk mode” when you say your first words to her.

Be positive and don’t care about the outcome

Sure: you’re talking to the girl because you’re attracted. But let the interaction be self-sufficient: if you are having fun with a cutie and nothing more, then the girl will enjoy it. You’re both in the same place at the same time, you’re good-looking and blithe, and you’re enjoying each other’s company! That’s why the most important rule for you is to be positive. If you embrace that she’s there and she’s a wonderful person, you’re already halfway there!

Be playful

From the very first moment, you have to be in a playful mood. You can use a number of techniques to set that tone in the interaction, including:


Make tongue-in-cheek comments. Accuse her of staring at your butt while you were making a point, or undressing you with her eyes. Tell her something crazy, like “I’m a secret agent investigating the city’s female demographic”, and when asks if you are kidding her, say “Yes” with a coy smile and move on to the next topic.


Statements than can have two meanings: formally appropriate and sexually suggestive. She’s talking about her travels: “I spent a lot of time down south.” Say: “Down south?! You dirty girl!” Look for opportunities to introduce playful sexual innuendo into a conversation – if you set your mind to it, you’ll be amazed at how many things you can “accidentally misinterpret” as sexual hints. At some point, tell her: “Look, I realize I’m hot, but please stop your constant innuendos. I’m not that easy.”

Facial expressions

You want to be careful with them: let your facial expressions mirror your emotions. Many guys will just plaster a smile on their face all the way through an interaction in order to please. Instead, change your face according to your inner reaction to what she does. If you disapprove of something, there’s no need to hide it! You’re not there to please her.

Make her flirt with you

Now that you have some examples on how to flirt with women that you meet, I should also mention that it’s very important that you get the woman to flirt with you as well! There is a technique in the book Double Your Dating by David DeAngelo that actually shows you what to do in the first 5 minutes of the interaction to set yourself a part and get the woman flirting with you first. I strongly recommend you read it.

The Wikipedia article on flirting describes it as a way to gauge interest or a prelude to casual sex. “In other situations”, the article goes on, “it may be done simply for immediate entertainment, with no intention of developing any further relationship.” To my mind, this is the best way to go: once you know how to entertain yourself with another person’s company, you’ll know how to flirt with a girl anywhere you want. There is always an amount of personal interest involved, and don’t be afraid to hide it: but don’t let it take over and try to steer the conversation to a certain outcome. The only outcome you want right there and then is a great feeling.

  • #1 AC/DC FAN

    In some cases there are situations where the girl can’t come to you. Like if she doesn’t know where you live or work.Or if your out somewhere and you see that girl that you can’t keep your eyes off of. Then you have to do something that will get you to that point.So before you go and give any advice think about other peoples situation. I do agree with making her come to you but you have to get to that point first.Not being an a$$ just stating a fact.

  • Jay

    All the dudes who are makin it a bigger deal then it needs to be, just be your damn self. If she don’t like you and your way of fun she ain’t worth your time period. N to the dude who said something about being stuck best friends with his ex. Been there done that. Break it off all the way n move on. Make her come to u n if she don’t you’ll find somebody else.

  • Olivia

    I, obviously, am a girl but I felt the need to look this up to tell if someone was trying to flirt with me. I thought I should add the main way to get a girl is to tell her she is beautiful, a Goddess, or anything in between perfect and amazing. She will definitely call you back.

  • Steven Tyler

    Hey jake as a great man once said(points to self). Dream on dream on dream on keep on dreamin till ur dreams come true DREAM ON DREAM ON DREAM ON DREAM OOOOOOOON.

  • Ellie Jenkins

    My boyfriend flirts with other girls yet we are madly in love (I <3 u Braden)

  • nat

    lolz some good stuff the whole have fun with it thing was good. but the whole double edge thing would send pretty much all the girls i know runing X D

  • sammy

    is it ok for married men to flirt with other girls so long as it doesnt spill out to anything further and that the guy channels the steam to the rightful owner (the wife?)

  • vineet

    i dont know whether im falling in love or not but i really cant forget her and niether her face,her smile disappears from my mind.She is 2.5years older than me but we are in same classroom with 300 students in it. we had a little bit talk in way of exchanging our notes.i really wanted to propose her. could you please suggest me the way

  • Zack

    i think the number one thing when it comes to flirting, is to not take yourself so seriously… show them that you can joke around about yourself and be ok with it. for example- i was at a party talkin to an old friend and she said “you look like that cartoon guy, Johnny Bravo” in my head i was thinkin this chicks crazy, lol, but in a deep manly tone i replied “hey mama” it made her laugh her ass off…because i did such a good impression, she kept asking me to do it over and over. it got kinda annoying, but i did end up dancing with her all night and swaping spit a couple times….and of course a phone number-so we could meet up again sometime. 😉

  • jordy p

    how do i get noticed, coz i just started college and i dont know any girls.

  • josh

    This girl was flirting with me but now she acts like she dont like me.Did I do something wrong?

  • Nicolice

    oh and barney ur a little 2 egotistical

  • Nicolice

    omg ppl u should know this its simple 2 flirt with girls like myself u must just have fun dont overreact mid-conversation dont freak out if they walk out if they walk out on u just start over with a generic hey or even just TALK 2 us first then flirt it allows the girl 2 think of u as a friend rather than a player got it flirting rite off the bat should be avoided mostly though it can work and if they show signs of uncomfort back off and dont bring up parents or loved ones that could strike saddnes into girls like myself whos mom died last year.Adios.

  • barney stinsin

    just be awesome like me and youl get the girl 😉

  • Neil


    You need to work on yourself first. You need to do what you need to do to feel desirable. Like the article says ‘feel sexy and make her feel the same’. You’re not too nice – you just show too much of your nice side and hide the part of you that causes trouble. Only trouble is, that part also contains the grit that makes you exciting and desirable.

  • lexie

    i think these flirting tips are really good

  • matthew

    Well am having trouble with my confidence because there was this girl that i realy liked and thought she liked me and we went out for a while and then we broke up, and since then i have lost all confidence. Ive had one girl in my life since being an adult and since we broke up i just feel so uneasy around girls and i come across as to nice. Or thats what i have been told. I think it a shynes.
    Now this is going to sound big headed but its not realy am a good looking guy, dont have a six pack but a nice face i think, lol. See i think girls are always steering at me and i try to FLIRT but it only works when am out and had a drink. How do i get that same confidence when am sober?
    Am like a nervous wreck at times. Please help me i have a date tomorrow for the first in a long time. I need to know how to stay calm and interesting at the same time.

  • jake

    hey. ok i think i need hard advice from a natural charmer to girls. see, there’s a girl who i have known for 3 years called kellie, the most important girl to me in the world, so important i feel i love her.
    when we first met we dated for a month, at the time she was in love with me, back then i had a lot of pressure from it all in many different ways and i broke up with her. i broke her heart and it was the biggest mistake and regret of my life.

    in the last year me and her have become best friends and soo close to each other we know almost everything about each other. she recently 2 months ago broke up with her boyfriend she was with for over a month and was completely in love with. it broke her heart so bad.

    since then i have tried to go out with her. i tried almost everything i could think of to show her how much she means to me. she said she just couldn’t see me in that way again. but yet we flirt with each other at times.

    i’m stuck as the best friend with her instead of the boyfriend i want to be. and was wondering what advice i could be given to break out of this connection i have with her and into the connection i want with her. please somebody help if you have advice to get me the relationship i want with her

    :/ jake

  • ~AJG~

    I am having trouble keeping girls interested in me. after they have shown some interest I dont know what the next might be… I dont want to portrait the “going too fast guy” is there a way to keep them interested? also what about those girls whom are “good and worth the time” but arent in the dating mode at the time…. please help

  • Jack

    Hey, im having trouble keeping a conversation going with my girl. i like her and she likes me back but i just cant keep a conversation going. i’m pretty flirty but being flirty over the phone or over a text is not my specialty. PLease help.

  • Tevin Hawkins

    im not very good with girls. but i liked the article and im goin to try it out tommorrow. thx

  • Bill Clint

    Will these techniques work on a married woman? The one I’m thinking of is the girl of my dreams, and I don’t want anybody else but her.

  • rebecca

    & u could ask her what she likes doing and talking about it. Bur DONT pretend you know and if you know loads pretend you know a bit as I’m sure you know we girls love to talk x

    lots of love

  • rebecca

    hey johnny it may be she isn’t sure if your flirting with her! If guys flirt with me i get really nervous I’m gonna say the wrong thing so maybe that but if she just blatantly wont talk to you then it could be she doesn’t like you in that way and therefore is trying to be subtle about it! hope it helped!

    lots of love & happy new year

  • johnny

    I really like this girl, but every time a start a conversation and we talk a bit, she stops answering me.. is it because she don’t like me, or because she just don’t have time..
    what could I else speak with her about ? 🙂

  • Bec

    This is possibly the best advice i have ever had!

  • Stephan

    Good article, with some great tips!
    The main thing as you pointed out is ‘having a good time” while you are doing it!

    Great stuff,

  • Caribbean Girls

    When it comes to flirting, the first thing that comes into my mind is insinuating contact or physical admiration that you want to develop into something good and establish chemistry or relationship.