Declare Your Outcome-Independence!


Do you get disappointed in dates because “it didn’t lead anywhere”, you “didn’t get laid”, or “she only wants you as a friend”? Frustrated about your night out because you “didn’t get a single number“? Well, I have good news and bad news for you. First, the bad: you’re not alone. That’s bad because countless men out there are just as bitchy and jaded as you with their wretched self-pity. The good news: you can make a change. It’s time to declare yourself free from your outcome!

Did you have fun?

What’s outcome-dependence? Well, if you do something only hoping for a certain result, then you are an outcome dependent person. You value the end more than the process, of which you may just be completely oblivious. Your mind isn’t in the here and now, but focused on the benefit you hope to reap from an activity.

I once approached a girl in the streets with my friend watching from a café. When I sat down with him afterwards, he asked me how it was. “Crappy”, I said. “I screwed up during the attraction phase, and then I didn’t get her number.” He looked at me for a moment, and then he asked:

“Well, did you have fun?”

I was dumbfounded. Honestly, I didn’t know what to say. I just hadn’t realized this was supposed to be fun. After all, I was out learning how to become a better man! It was all about discipline and results, results, results!

Turns out I was wrong.

Seriously, who cares?

It’s easy to become frustrated when girls don’t call back, don’t “respond favourably”, or you “can’t get anywhere with them”. You feel like a loser and get angry at them for rejecting you all the time. Right? Hey, I’ve been there. But seriously, think about it: who cares?!

That’s right, you do. Trust me, they certainly don’t, and neither do your friends, colleagues, parents, whoever.

I’m not saying you should stop consciously improving your skills with women and just “have fun”, because there’s a good chance you’ve been there and done that, and it turned you into a dancing monkey. Still, this self-improvement rampage so many of us are on, when combined with the yearning for companionship, love and sex, sparks a self-righteous sense of entitlement that only blows us out of the water with the ladies. They can smell it from miles away.

It’s like a trap you step into without even knowing it. Heck, even I still do it sometimes! It happens when I lose sight of what this is about: we’re talking love, good vibes, smiles, laughter, FUN!

Your daily practice

Make this a daily task for yourself: whenever you interact with a girl, check if you’re enjoying yourself. Yes, work on sparking attraction and getting her heated up, but most of all, ask yourself: am I having a good time?

This is awesome. She is cool, she makes me smile, I’m in a great mood and she can have some of it, because I’m such a damn big spender when it comes to good feelings.

You don’t need to do a whole lot to let go of your outcome. You don’t need to think hard and come up with strategies, routines, a battle-plan to overcome your outcome-dependence. No, you don’t even need to think at all. Instead, be in the present fully, put on a smile, and enjoy what you do. Whatever happens is fine.