Even though I’d like to think I’ve always had confidence, a huge backbone and the guts to do whatever I put my mind to, it’s probably not the truth. You see, none of this stuff comes easy; you have to work at it. My ability has always been to simply complicated concepts, so for you, I have decided to break down into a pick up guide that you can take to go from sitting crouched over at your computer every night to being tremendously successful with women.
Here’s my starting point, and if you’re more advanced than this, then be grateful, it will only be easier for you to progress. From the starting point, we’ll progress to being a man that women desire and with the skills to attract beautiful women.
Pick Up Guide
At this point, I’m assuming that you’re out of shape, not only physically, but mentally as well. Your activities are mostly sedentary ones such as being on the computer, playing video games, watching TV, playing with your cat. You might occasional participate in physical activities, but these are few and far between. Regardless, you feel you can justify this because you just “Don’t have any time”.
In terms of mental fitness, you don’t really know what to talk about with girls…. The only subjects you can properly converse on are things that are specifically related to your life. You could probably talk about the funny picture you saw on the Internet or what you did at work/school, but other than that… nothing comes to mind.
Lastly, you’re really unsure of what attracts women to men and have very little experience with them. You might have had a girlfriend once, but it really didn’t work out and you still beat yourself up over it even though it happened a few years ago.
Level 1 – Building A Foundation
First, we need to build a solid foundation for you. What you need the MOST is what I like to call “Life Energy”. Life energy comes from the excitement that you get when you’re about to embark on something new. It also comes from accomplishments, and you’ll feel it every time you move closer to being the man you want to be.
ACTION STEP 1
You want to get your health handled, which includes your weight, skin… both of which will improve with daily exercise. The trick to exercising? Get into a short and VERY specific routine that you do 4-5 times a week.
Personally, I do push-ups every single time I wake up. I don’t strain myself, I take it easy but it really wakes me up and makes quite a difference in my daily energy levels. I also go walking or jogging every weekday that I’m at home.
The rule is: If I’m home, I go jogging or walking. If I walk, I do it for 30 minutes, if I jog, it’s only 10 minutes. So I end up jogging most of the time because I don’t feel like doing a 30 minute walk.
You should find your own specific routines, and make sure that they become as habitual as brushing your teeth before you go to sleep. You must do it even if you don’t feel like it!
Get your health handled and remember it’s not the end result that counts; it’s the fact that you are headed in the right direction that’s important.
ACTION STEP 2
Start learning about women from men who are successful with women. If all your friends are unsuccessful with women, do NOT listen to them. That’s the first mistake that MOST guys make when learning with women… they talk to people who actually don’t have a clue how to interact successfully with women. Remember the old saying about the blind lead the blind?
ACTION STEP 3
Instead, find friends that are actually successful with women. Befriend them, hang out with them, and see what they do. That’s really going to be your BEST option. If you find it difficult to find friends that are truly successful with women, then the second best option is to read up on it… I highly recommend David Deangelo’s Double Your Dating, it’s the absolute best material for guys that want to learn how to attract women naturally, without any gimmicks.
Here’s what you want to KNOW about women, make sure you know the answers to these questions. If you can’t write out answers to these questions, then you NEED to do your research and figure them out.
- What are the elements that attract women to men?
- Why do guys get stuck in the “Let’s just be friends” mode with women, and how can you avoid it?
- What makes a guy good looking to women?
- Describe two different approaches you can take to talk to a woman you want to meet, what are openers?
- What is social value, why is it important to you?
- How do most screw up and give this value away when they talk to women for the first time?
- What will you talk about with women to create interest, attraction?
- How can you tell if she’s interested in you?
Level 2 – Going in the right direction
You’re headed in the right direction in terms of physical health. You’ve taken some initiative and are actually following through with it. You still find yourself sitting at home more often than not, and you’re definitely not talking to women frequently enough. You might have tried recently, but it really didn’t go over well. Yet, you’re going in the right direction… you’re looking for answers and if you persist long enough, you’ll achieve your goal.
Alright, now we get to the fun stuff, which is your appearance. You should already be working out, and that’s the important part. Working out improves your posture, skin and gives you an attractive glow. It’s difficult to describe, but people will instinctively know that you’ve just been working out, even if you’re still overweight and even if YOU don’t see any immediate results. This is a critical part of the pick up guide.
Assuming you’re working out, you’ll want to take care of the easier things.
ACTION STEP 1
First, get a haircut, a different one and… a GOOD one. If you don’t know what’s in style, and let’s be honest, you probably don’t since you aren’t in the hair industry, then go find someone who does know. Expect to pay AT LEAST $40-$100 for the haircut from a hair stylist. Look up the best place in your city and find a stylist that knows hair. Remember, when you’re getting that $100 haircut, you’re not actually paying for the cut itself, but more for the advice on WHAT to get as a haircut. If they can’t give you advice, then find someone else.
I guarantee you’ll feel awkward going in to this new hair salon, and telling them you want them to recommend you something. Just suck it up, they’ll take good care of you, and you’ll feel much better after you’re done with it.
You don’t always need to go back to the same place, once you get that new hair style, you can go to a cheaper place to simply maintain it. Make sure it’s a new look… because it will encourage you to adopt a new personality.
ACTION STEP 2
A wise man once said, “It’s not because your teeth are ugly that you have to have dress ugly.” Listen to this guys… even if you’re dealing with certain physical issues, it doesn’t mean you can’t make the rest of your appearance as good as possible.
So where do you start? Well, first with facial hair. Whatever your style is, make sure it’s perfect. If you’re clean shaven, then make sure there isn’t a single hair out of place. If you’re going for a 5 o’clock shadow, then make sure it’s consistent. There’s nothing worse than a guy with random facial hairs.
ACTION STEP 3
Afterward, get yourself a pair of nice new shoes. The fancier the shoes are the better. I can’t emphasize enough how important shoes are, they’ll completely change the way people perceive you. (Yes, people ARE superficial)
ACTION STEP 4
Finally, you’ll want to make sure that your clothes are relatively new, ironed and fit well. Style over comfort. If you’re wearing baggy jeans that are 4 years old, then it’s time to get new ones. Same goes to that 2 year old shirt, throw it out. Lastly, when shopping remember, quality over quantity. Go with designer clothes and buy less.
In case you’re tempted to buy the same things over and over again… and most guys are, make sure you go with a girl that has style. Most girls will be happy to go shopping with clueless guys and they’ll be more than happy to tell you that your butt looks greats in those new jeans. If you want a little more advice on how to look good, make sure to read up on our looks article. (referencing how to look good article)
ACTION STEP 5
Start talking to people… lots of people. Talk to everyone you meet to build your social skills. Get into the habit of saying hello to people you wouldn’t normally talk to in your daily life. From the bus driver, to the cashier, to the waitress and even that random guy just walking in the street. Listen, if you can’t talk to a guy you don’t care about, then you’re going to have huge problems when trying to talk to a girl you’re interested in. Get in the habit of striking up random conversations with everyone you meet. Just like working out, talking to strangers is a skill you need to slowly build up over time.
– New Haircut Style
– New Facial Hair style
– New Shoes
– New Clothes
– Start talking to strangers, everywhere
Level 3 – Everything is coming together
At this point in the pick up guide, you’re still on your way to getting your health handled, and your self esteem has definitely risen to higher levels. Let’s recap, by now, you should have a new haircut, new clothes, new knowledge about women and more socializing experience. If you’ve made It here, then know that there’s still a lot to go, but from this point, you’re pretty much assured to be successful, it’s just a matter of time.
ACTION STEP 1
Once you have a solid foundation, you’re ready to really go out and meet people. First, you’re going to want to work on openers. An opener is a simple term used to describe the beginning of a conversation with a girl you want to meet. It can range from being overly complicated such as an opinion opener, to the easiest opener of all, which is just saying: “hi”. So prepare your opener in advance because when the time comes, you won’t know what to say. If you already took care of the opener, then you can just go in without thinking… and if you happen to think of something better on the way in, that’s fine. Otherwise, just use that default opener.
– “Hey, are you guys shy? I’ve been standing over there for 5 minutes and you still haven’t said hi!”
– “I’d like a female opinion, who lies more? Men or women ?”
– “Hi, I just arrived in -any location name-
ACTION STEP 2
Go out and practice approaching. At this point, the only thing that’s really going to get you to the next level is some practice. So get out and talk to as many women as you can. It’s been said that you must approach at least 500 times to lose your fear of rejection, and some say it never entirely goes away. That being said, it really doesn’t take that long to get good at something. Just imagine how good you’ll be after you approach 20 women. Let me tell you, the improvements will be spectacular!
Make sure you check out our guide on the mindset you want when learning how to pick up girls here.
ACTION STEP 3
Write about your interactions with women. What went wrong, what was right… and even write what you COULD have said during your interaction. Ever think: “Ahh, I SHOULD have said THAT!” but when you were on the spot, you just didn’t think of it? Well, write it down. Eventually, a similar situation will arise and you’ll know exactly what to say the second time around.
– Learn some openers
– Practice, Practice, Practice,
– Review your interactions, think about what you could have done.
Level 4 – The hardest part
This level is the hardest one to get to… why? Because if you’re at this level, it means that you’ve been practicing the art of approaching and you actually improved quite a bit with women. You should be proud of yourself because most guys don’t ever approach and then they wonder why they aren’t successful with women. Now if you’ve had bad interactions, that’s perfectly normal. You’re supposed to be rejected, because that’s when you really learn what you did wrong. In addition to experience, your overall image should continue to morph into a more modern, stylish individual. You should be at the point where, if you ran into one of your friends that you haven’t seen in a year, he would have a hard time recognizing you.
ACTION STEP 1
What usually happens at this point is you encounter a sticking point. You might be great at opening, but a poor story teller. Conversely, you might be a good story teller, but have no idea how to build rapport and attraction with someone. In this action step, you must identify what your sticking point is and figure out a way to overcome it. The absolute easiest way to overcome your sticking point is simply ask for help from other guys that have successfully overcome it.
ACTION STEP 2
Practice, practice, practice. You must go out until your game becomes part of you and you don’t even to think about it. When you see a beautiful girl you want to approach, you immediately approach her without even worrying about what you’re going to say or do. You just do it. When you get good at something, you don’t think, you just do it. Get to that point.
– Identify your sticking point(s)
– Devise ways to overcome them
Level 5 – Pickup Artist
The Pickup Artist. Yes, if you get to this point in the pick up guide, you can now consider yourself a pickup artist, a guy who can successfully interact with women and create attraction on a consistent basis. Speaking to you should be a fun and enjoyable experience. At this point, you’re ready to teach your knowledge to others and you can pin-point where others make mistakes when interacting with women.
ACTION STEP 1
They say the best way to learn something is to teach it, and at this point in the game, you should be teaching someone else less knowledgeable than you. Show them what you do, how to do it and you’ll realize how far you’ve come. Don’t be frustrated when they make silly mistakes. Instead, help them correct it; it takes time to get it right.
ACTION STEP 2
Similar to martial arts, there are many different styles that are all effective. Once you have mastered a certain style, it’s time to learn another one. Begin learning a new pickup style, the same way as you’ve learned the previous one. Once you’ve already mastered a certain pickup style, learning another one is easy. Eventually, you’ll get to a point where you can blend all the styles together and form your own.
– Begin teaching others
– Learn a new style
Level 6 – Master Pick Up Artist
At this point, you have developed your own pickup style which you have refined over the years. You understand the differences between direct and indirect approaches and which one is more advantageous in a particular situation. You can explain why the techniques work, why people behave the way they do, you can finally explain and dissect human interactions. Women don’t seem irrational anymore even though you still think they are still a little crazy. You find joy in knowing that the world makes sense after all, and you’re ready to move on to other things that are now more important to you.
ACTION STEP 1
Find what you’re really passionate about and apply everything you learned about human interactions to it. Be thankful you’ve made it this far, be grateful for all the wonderful people in your life and finally, be humble, anyone can learn this, it’s not that hard.