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How To Tell A Girl You Like Her Without Being Needy

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I’d like to talk to you about something that seems to be a major issue for many men: how to tell a girl that you like her without seeming weird or needy. Don’t you wish there was an easy way to do that?

Most of all, a safe way?

After all, you can’t just tell her flat-out, right?

That’d be pretty awkward. And it’s not like you never tried: you’ve confessed to girls in the past how much you felt for them, and it made them run away faster than you could say “what the…?”.

How To Tell A Girl You Like Her Step 1

I’ll give you a little revelation, and it may come as quite a surprise to you because it works without any magic phrases, tricks or safety nets. Before I do, though, let me take you back into my past – and possibly yours, too…


Roots of anxiety: freaking girls out when you were young

In my early youth, I went through a phase when I was very open and curious about anybody.

How To Tell A Girl You Like Her Step 2

There was a girl that I wanted to get to know better. So being innocent and knowing nothing about seduction, I followed her on the way home to talk to her. In hindsight, it was probably the most needy thing I could have done! As you can imagine, she wasn’t really receptive! See, my curiosity was surely fine, but by following her around, I freaked her out so much that the next time I tried the same thing, she actually physically fled from me!

tell-girl-you-love-her

Even when you’re young, you don’t have to be a genius to realize that having a girl run away from you probably isn’t the best thing in the world!

Reactions like that from girls had made me insecure when I was young. I started thinking there was something wrong with being curious, and I became quite anxious about talking to strangers. You may relate to that. Experiences like this and the resulting anxiety have kept me from being open with girls for many years.

Then I realized: there’s nothing wrong with flat-out telling a girl that you like her!

How To Tell A Girl You Like Her Step 3

How to tell a girl you like her: just do it!

Now you hear them yell: “but that’s being clingy and needy! You’re handing her your balls on a silver platter!” Well I’ll tell you what: if you make it clingy and needy, then it is. However, you have control over how you relay your message to another person: between us, women really like to feel appreciated and loved. But they want to feel the love is a privilege they earned with their personality, and that they’re getting it from somebody who’s in a strong enough position to give. You enjoy a girl’s company?

Be open about it – but do it in the right way.

That’s the key here.

How To Tell A Girl You Like Her Step 4

Telling The Right Way

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How To Tell A Girl You Like Her
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I'd like to talk to you about something that seems to be a major issue for many men: how to tell a girl that you like her without seeming weird or needy. Don't you wish there was an easy way to do that? Most of all, a safe way? After all, you can't just tell her flat-out, right?
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  • lokks

    ive been talking to this girl online…and her style and beauty attracts me..i want to invite her to a movie or just somewhere to hang out (the pier???) but i don’t want to creep her out since i just got to know her a lil bit. how should i approach this conversation????

    • Arthur

      Be mellow about it and calmly ask something like ” if you would like to hang out sometime and get to know each other, that would be great, but only if you want to.

    • Devo

      Start with a begging similar to this” hey since we have been chatting for a while, I wanted to know if you wanted to go hangout somewhere or do something together” see cause this sentence is known as the big winner it’s kinda a funny sentence

  • Banjo MacAteer

    Hey David

    I love that little video in the top right corner! Your advice cracked me up – especially to ‘think outside the box’… Too much focus on that is what can screw up many a good opportunity I guess?

    Keep up the good work,

    BM

  • http://www.seductionbooks.org/ Chris Calo

    @lokks: The best way to hang out with her without creeping her out is to simply invite her to an activity that you’re already doing. It doesn’t have to be romantic… if you’re going to the movies with friends, then invite her along.

    @Banjo MacAteer: Well, I’m not David, but I’m sure he appreciates it! He’s a really good guy and I recommend his stuff.

  • Harry

    hi Chris,
    Gotta little situation, recently ended a 4 year relationship, and felt i had to get in touch with a girl i worked with 2 years ago. I found her on facebook but kinda feel like i shoulder barged my way through the little fb window now.
    She messaged me back a few times and is home from uni this weekend. I havnt messaged her in about 10 days but i sent the last message replying to hers so she has the upper hand now.
    This girl is kinda ‘this could be the one’ girl, i nearly broke my past relationship in hope to get with her but didn’t due to being unfaithful in the past an wanting to make a real go of it. i have learnt that lesson but im a little worried now ive scared her off.
    Should have been alot cooler but couldn’t believe id found her, she remembered me and was messaging back. wish i found this site sooner!!!! any suggestions?

  • coder

    I’ve one friend we know each other 1st by phone (by her girl friend). I am a little bit fun and most of the time she calls me and we will have a fun by phone every time even i called her. She is also fun. But after her friend leave abroad she becomes alone and we start hanging out each other when I hang up the phone she told me not to do that she also invites me to movie hang out etc. She told me she saw me on hear dream but she told me she hate marriage & she loves relationship and in the middle there is a guy she talks about him. But am confused if she loves me or she want only fun with me. I’m really loving her. So how do i know if she loves me or wants me just for fun??

  • RAWRRRRRR!

    I’ve liked this one girl for some time now, we’ll talk often online, but she does go to my school. My main problem is that I don’t ever hang out with her, but I have reason to believe that’s because my school is very clique-y, and we’re from different groups of friends/people. I want to be able to hang out with this girl more, and maybe even let her know that I like her. We don’t ever get to hang out in person, we only ever talk online, but I want to actually be able to spend time with her in person, but I don’t know how to let her know. Can someone help me?

  • ify

    please send me a complete tutorial on how to meet women and seduce them thanks.

  • MrFadi

    man u just saved me :D i will ask her something so i can hence to her that i like her and i am happy to see her again, as u said make her feel it is much better than telling her and u keep her the choice to accept and i am sure she will accept because i know she likes me and she the one who attracted me to her.

    thanks again m8 ^^

  • marko

    I met this girl through work, We got chatting, after a few days chatting I offered her my number and she gave me her’s in return. She always said to me via IM chat or txting that she was sick of being alone and said I should come through to see her. I arranged to go through one day after she kept saying she looked rough which i think was just her being nervous about meeting me for the first time. We instantly hit it off after her friend left. Asking loads of questions about me and vice versa which ended up in her play fighting with me. I’ve been a few times since and we have slowly ended up getting closer and closer to the point where we were laid on her bed just cuddling for hours. I told her I like her as it was blatently obvious I did. She didnt say it back at first but a couple of days later I asked her why she was so shy about commenting on her emotions, which was when she said she still had some sort of feelings for her ex and she didnt think it was fair on me if we started seeing each other. She did say to me though that she does like me a lot and she thinks im a lovely person but now I’m confused as to what to do…She has a child to her ex who hit her and went back to his ex. Should I pursue her and reassure her or let her figure her feelings out in her own time as she keeps saying she is confused and doesnt know what she wants? I just don’t know

  • Mr.Unknown

    hey, so I’ve known this girl for about 5 years now, we’ve always been friends but recently I’ve realized I think I like her alot more than I had originally planned. I don’t know if I should ask her out or anything because if she just wants to stay friends, things might be awkward, but if i don’t I feel like I’m missing an opportunity with a really great person. What should I do? :S

  • marko

    Life’s to short to to pass up on something that “could be” because it may have a chance of creating an awkward moment, If she does’nt feel the same way I’m sure it’ll pass and yous will be joking about it in no time. Can you imagine how daft you would feel if you did’nt ask her or tell her how you feel about her and you let that opporunity go and later on down the line she said to you “I wish you had asked me”. What’s the worst that can happen if you ask her?.. She’ll say no and your pride will be dented….Now on the other hand what’s the worst that could happen if you did’nt ask her and missed a potential opportunity to be happy…Think about it man, Don’t let hesitation stop you…Hope things work out for you

  • mr kaycee

    is it true that there is love at first sight.i believe if there is then it is an infatuation.

  • kyle

    i juststarted college and there is this one girl that as soon as i seen her i instanly liked her ive been trying to talk to her but every time i want to i just freez up and dont know what to say i have never like a girl as much as i do this one she is just really amazing i dont know what to say i want to tell her exactly how i feel but idk i got to do something fast becuse its tearing me up inside and i really just want a chance with this girl and i dont want to lose her she is the girl i have always dreamed about any help would be greatly appreciateed

  • michael c

    Hi chris.

    So I’ve known this girl for about 3 years. 2 of these years she was dating one of my tennis teammates. Well this summer they broke up. I let things lay low for a while and then I started talking to her seriously. We text all the time, and she tells me she loves me. We talk about marriage and stuff like that. The only problem is that she still talks with her old boyfriend. I’ve went through her phone and its not like they’re talking talking like they’re gona date ever again, its just casual talk. I know they still hang out too. She swears she is done with him for good. I’m just concerned because I don’t wanna be played forsay. I really love this girl, and I wanna have a future with her. Everytime we are around each other we are always smiling and happy. Her parents joke that we act like we are married because we get along so well and that we know exactly what each other is thinking. If you could help in any way with some advice it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

  • Yuri S.S.

    OMG this really works like magic, I’m just grateful I got to read it.

  • Alex

    @micheal c

    Ask her out! S

  • Alex

    @micheal c

    Ask her out! She may still talk to her ex but that just means she hasn’t had a massive fall out with him, if she tells you she loves you then she clearly has feelings with you and feels close to you so take the dive and don’t look back. Good luck

  • U.S.

    hey, chris
    there’s this girl, and I really like her, and I care about her more than any other person i’ve met. I’ve known her for a year and a half. I want to ask her out, but there’s some stuff stopping me. The first is that she’s one of my closest friends. I know that it’ll be better if we do start going out, but if we don’t, I’m afraid of what’s going to happen with our friendship. The other thing is that she broke up with her ex in June, and he’s still going after her, and she talks to him a lot. She might still like him. I don’t really know what to do. I could go for her, but I would look like a d*ck if I tried to break them up and they really liked each other, and that’s not me.

    So, do you have any ideas ?

  • Tom

    Someone help me , im starting to like this girl that i work with we talk a little but idk if she feels the same way about me and shee hangs out with kid that also works with us and im thinking that they have something going on so should i just tell her should i hangout with her a few times first and whenever i trey to tell a girl that i like how i feel about a choke up and wind up not doing it so advice would be nice

  • Anonymous

    I need help. There are two girls that I really like. I have known them both for five years now and I am positive that one of them is “The One”.
    But their parents are over protective so I can’t easily confess to either one of them.
    Also I happen to know that they both like me alot too. I don’t want to hurt any feelings. Also I am the type that would lash out at everyone I know if I were to be rejected, then hide in a hole for three years. I have never (willingly) been in a relationship so I don’t know how to ask someone out.

  • lewis

    @kyle
    I know how you feel as I am in the same position. I find myself constantly thinking of her and even dreaming of her, she is so amazing and I just want to get things right. BUT I have also been trying to find out what to do but cannot get anything.

  • Anonymous

    I met this girl on holiday, it started out as a friend and then grew into more, I never had the ‘chance’( I never had the guts) to talk to her properly. I made all of the wrong decisions but by the end of the holiday had managed to fix them though us talking developed some slight arkwardness. The holiday ended on a slight high but nothing really happened I’m back home and she’s still there. She lives near me and I was hoping when she gets back I could chat to her or go out some time, how can I get in touch with her and how can I make it less arkward?

  • Aiden

    Ok so here’s the deal. I have know this amazing girl for a while now and we talk all the time on FB and when we run into eachother we always talk. Now here name starts with c and we were naming things that start with c and she came up with cute. And I said (as a joke) ur definayely no cute. She says thats mean and I said ok (still all a joke) and I really want to say to her _______ your nit cute, hot or sexy you are beautiful. We are friends and stuff. Is it too far??? What is she says no will it ruin our whole relationship

  • gert

    There’s a girl I really like, but she loves another guy and doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me. I really like her a lot and I have confessed this to her..seems dat shes not at aall intersted. Any suggestions? I really want her to be a part of ma life and I wud love it if she fell in love with me too, bcoz the guy she loves is “@##$@”.

  • Justin

    hi my name is justin ok i will get to the point i been talking and seeing this girl for a few days she makes me happy in every way i could inmagen we havent had sex i dont want to move it that fast but i want to be with her i sent he flowers today now im just wondering wat i should do because i dont want to push her away i want her to become apart of my life what should i do

  • Carlos

    I have been talking to this girl in my school for about a good week and a half and ive come to like her a lot and her and are cool and stuff and id like to tell her that i like her and want to get something started but dont exactly know how to execute it.

  • Ionnman

    I need to tell a girl I like her,well I have but she is just ignoring me help!!!

  • Nico

    hey Man,

    Ive met this girl a few weeks ago during our training. and in during our training I found out that i really like her. I text her sometimes but she almost always ignore my texts. i really wish i could go tell her straight up but she kinda stays to herself and her girl friends. I just want to know if i have a chance with her or I am just wasting my time.
    Is she just playing hard or just not that interested.?

  • Maruzu

    I go to school with this girl. She is pretty, funny, and a genius. I’ve liked her for a while but never had the guts to tell her.What do I do?

  • semore

    im stuffed i know this girl and ive had feelings for her for awhile now and thought nothing of it as she has 2 kids to 2 other guys and i just thought that you know i dont wanna look after someone elses kids, but she just recently told me that she has strong feelings for me and its made me have feelings for her again, and im lusting for her best mate and im really confused, shes telling me to go with her mate but idk what to do. its confusing me as i do have feelings for both, would it be bad if i did date her mate but secretly have feelings for the other?? is that classed as cheating??

  • brandon

    so i like this girl right, and she says she likes me, but she acts liek shes not into me or whatever, then a few days ago, i was trying to tell my mom that i ” love her too” anyways i happened to accidentally send it to the girl i like. Then she replys love you more, then im like really? now she says that “love” is a strong word and that she doesnt like to use much cuz she doesnt want to get “hurt” again or w.e so basically im asking what should i do, i wanna date her but idk if shes ready or just not comfortable yet or waht. whats should i do??

  • Jake

    Yo,

    Met this girl at work and we hit it off straight away, just in a friend way though. All of a sudden we start talking on Facebook with her starting the conversations majority of the time, not sure if I have feelings for her or I just like talking to her but I have a feeling she might like me but I don’t wanna too ahead of myself. Also she’s heard things about me with other girls and has told me that she’s heard I’m a player (I’m not), I’m usually always paranoid when it comes to girls because of some history, but do you think she’s leading me on in order to make a fool out of me considering she thinks I’m a player? Like ‘playing the player’ or something similar? Should I tell her I like her?

  • secret

    I have met this girl 3 years ago and I am never able to tell her how I feel even if she is alone. I cant make a conversation with her plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz help

    • Sarah

      I am a girl and I know the whole telling a girl that you like her can be real nerve racking but i think you will be surprised on how the girl will respond. The best thing to do is tell her how you feel. She will feel quite flushed and complimented when you tell her. (I know I would be.) girls are always wanting the boy to make the first move. For all you know she likes you as well.

    • Secret

      Ok so I have liked this guy for quite a few months but don’t know how to tell him. It is so awkward plus my mum and his mum are really good friends so that’s just awkward all together. I met him about 2 years ago and my friend has been recently texting him a lot but they haven’t even met in person. and I know she likes him. I don’t know if she is going to tell him or not. I am not sure if he likes me but he always seems to be interested in what I am saying and isn’t scared to talk to me. I am really not sure if I should keep this all to myself or if I should tell him. And if he doesn’t like me I will still have to see him and it will be so awkward!! Please help!!!!!!

  • Truman

    That’s all well and good assuming you already have a life someone would want to be a part of! What about me; the guy with nothing going for him but his looks, who has been depressed for the last five years and has been systematically abandoned by everyone he ever knew because he was too depressed to get out of bed in the morning? What about the people who have crappy lives?

  • alex

    ive been talking to this girl for about 6 months now and bout a week ago i startes gettkng very strong feelings for her we talk pretty much all day with each , she said a couple days ago that i dont flirt andmake her laugh and shit and she really likes that , then she asked me what i look for in a girl , now i reallly really need help asap does she also like me or what cause honestly its judt making my mind not think str8

  • Mr Craig

    I like this girl so much. I’ve managed to ask her to prom but I want to start seeing her. I need to start talking to her but I’m to nervous any ideas on what to do ????

  • you do not need to know

    hello

    I like this girl I have known since kindergarten and we are good freinds. For the past 3 years I have had a HUGE crush on her. We go to the same school and are both in grade 8. We both are in the same class and we talk often but I don’t know if she likes me. Can anyone tell me ways I can tell her I like her without really telling her? Thanks a ton!

  • Joe

    Hey, so I’ve known this girl for about three years now. Right when we first met, we were already friends, and now three years later, she is one of the closest, if not the closest friend I have. I started liking her about a year and a half of us being friends because every time we are hanging out together, we are constantly laughing and smiling and play fighting all time to the point where random people make comments like “oh you two make a cute couple”. I had told her once before that I really liked her, but she didn’t take the news very well. She didnt even say anything. It was like as if I just became another person who told her they like her. About two months later, she started dating some new guy she met at her college (we go to different schools). During that whole time she was with that guy, she didnt say a word to me, then 5 months later, she broke up with him, we started talking again, and everything seemed to go back to the way it was. I still like her alot, but she still talks to her ex alot too. I really care about her, but I also don’t want to ruin our friendship, so should I tell her again that I still like her? Am I just being strung along or something?