Imagine this, you’re walking down the street with a girl you like. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and you’re both having a great time. As you get to know the girl, you begin to learn her personality, her preferences, her likes and dislikes. “Great!” you think. Now that you know what she likes, you can be her perfect man. Wrong!
You see, when you do things “just because she likes them”, she feels as if you’re not being genuine. You come off as a guy that’s compromising his own life in order to impress her… and as we all know, trying to impress someone never works.
Spelling it out in really simple terms: Do what YOU want to do, and don’t do what you think SHE wants you to do.
Sure women will disagree… “Wouldn’t it be nice if he thought of me for a second?” That’s not what I’m talking about. It’s great to think of her, be nice to her and make her feel special. However, there’s a fine line between “bending over backwards for her” and living your own life.
Mistake #1: Doing What She Wants You To Do
Here’s an example to illustrate my point:
Let’s say you know that she loves to go to park to watch the dolphins play (that would be a cool park…) and she loves ice cream.
Therefore, you would assume that in order to maximize your chances of getting a date/having her like you, the ideal thing to ask her would be: “Hey, do you want to go to the park and get some ice cream?”
I mean, it makes sense right? You know she likes that, and therefore you’re offering her something she likes.
It’s counter-intuitive, but that’s the biggest mistake you can make. It communicates the following: “I don’t think that you’ll want to hang out with me for who I am, so instead, I’m going to make up a scenario that I think you’ll like… so you’ll go for the scenario and I’ll just happen to be there as well”
When you offer her exactly what she likes (and she knows this is what you’re doing), then she sees you as someone that’s trying to please her. We don’t respect people that try to please us, and instead we admire those that are out living their own life to the fullest.
Do What You Want To Do
So instead of doing what you think she wants you to do, do what YOU feel like doing.
“Hey, I heard there was this new place with kangaroos that eat out of your hands, I really want to go. Want to come?”
Now that’s a good invitation because you’re doing things on your own terms. You are doing things that interest you, and you’re not “trying to please her”. If you’re running out of ideas, try our first date tips.
Mistake #2: Not having a firm stance on anything
The second mistake that most men make… is that they always cave to their girl’s demands. Let’s take a typical scenario :
Girl: “Let’s go out tonight! I want to go dancing”
Guy: “I’m tired… I don’t really feel like going”
Girl: “Oh c’monnn, it will be funnnn”
Guy: “Ummm, maybe, I don’t know”
Girl: “Don’t say maybe, just come!”
Guy: “Ahh, OK”
Girl (testing him): “Oh, you can stay home if you want”
Guy: “Oh, umm, then maybe I will… I don’t know, I’m tired”
Girl (testing him): “Are you coming or not?”
Guy: “Umm, I don’t know”
Not having a definitive opinion of what you want to do is horrible! In this example, the girl has complete control over the guy’s life. Even though he originally doesn’t want to go, she gets him to cave to her demands.
What’s worse is, when she realizes she can control him, she steps back… to see if she really DID just control him. She’s checking to see if he still has a backbone, or if he’s doing things only to please her. It’s one thing to convince someone and completely change their mind, but it’s another to convince them even though they don’t want to do it.
As you can imagine, we lose all respect for people that we can control like that.
The alternative is simple, stand your ground while listening to reasonable ideas. Then, if after the discussion, you still don’t agree, then that’s it.
Having a backbone
Girl: “Come out tonight with the girls, it will be fun!”
Guy: “Nah, I’m tired and I don’t feel like it”
Girl: “Oh c’mon!”
Guy: “No, I’m tired and I want to stay in”
Girl (throwing a little temper test to see if she can get her way): “Oh, why do you have to be like that! You’re no fun”
Guy: “(laugh at her little tantrum) Right, I’m still not going out. Have fun tonight!”
Girl (complete change of heart because she realizes she can’t control you): “Oh, so you’re really tired? Did you have a hard day at work today? Do you want me to come over to see you?”
Guy: “Nah, I’m just staying in and getting some sleep”
Girl: “Ok, well have a good night. We’ll do something tomorrow!”
In this example, the guy has a backbone! He stands his ground and doesn’t cave into her little tantrum. He’s obviously tired, and when you’re tired, you rest. She might not like that he’s staying inside, but she’ll respect him for standing his ground.
Changing your mind
Last, but not least, I have to include an example where you do change your mind. You see, it’s alright to change your mind as long as you have good reasons.
Girl: “Come out tonight, it will be great!”
Guy: “I’m not feeling it, I think I’ll stay inside”
Girl: “You should really come out, we’re going to see a cool show!”
Guy: “Really? What are you going to see?”
Girl: “Oh, this local band with a great singer”
Guy: “Cool, that sounds like fun, Ok I’m in”
Girl: “Great! See ya soon”
In this situation, you might have changed your mind… but it’s important to note that you didn’t change your mind in order to please the girl, but instead, you changed your mind based on your desires. You would have to be stubborn to stick with something no matter what, and that’s not what we’re trying to accomplish. Instead, aim to be confident (see how to be confident with women) about your choices and act on your behalf, not someone else’s. In the end, she’ll respect you for your decisions because they are your own. Don’t live to please her, instead, live the greatest life you can imagine and invite her along.